No, it’s really none of my business. Honestly.

So, today, I have seen on the internet SEVERAL times the story about MacKenzie Phillips and her pops. 

Gotta tell you…I feel the need to shower…yeah, that dirty.

There are just somethings that don’t need to EVER be said, published discussed, drawn or mimed.  This would be one.

I have a hard time with the lack of decency in society.  I personally have lived my own episode (or two) of Jerry Springer…yet, I would like to think, this chick has reformed.

I don’t lay all my shit bare to folks.  I have a select few that I can and will talk to (ad nauseum) and will listen to. 

I have neighbors, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, lawn dude, etc., that will tell me the most personal, ridiculous stuff.  I mean PERSONAL.  what is that?  Do they not know they will become fodder for this here blog?  Do they not know I will mock them?  Ok, Ok, I may change their names or a detail or two, but surely they will see themselves out here.

Point is.  Don’t talk about stuff that is gonna make others go “Oh My!” and shuffle off.

• Don’t tell folks you willingly slept with your dad.  (eww, eww, and EWWW!!!)
• Don’t tell folks you would sleep with your mother if she wasn’t your mom.  (This was way gross!!!!)
• Or your brother.
• Nevermind about the sister, cousins, aunts, uncles….if it genetically linked, I don’t wanna know!!!
• Don’t tell folks you AREN’T sleeping with about your STD’s…it will get you uninvited to EVERYTHING.

Now, I am not a prude, I fly my freak flag proudly, but damn…I don’t wanna know about your bowel movements, monthly cycle, back acne, deviant practices (errr…..wait…).  Leave some of it at home. 

There are lots of these blogs out here, for creative and non-creative folks.  Everyone gets the chance to share their thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams, and it’s great.  Every once in a while, I will stumble onto one, read a few sentences, get that look on my face like I was sucking on a lemon and hit the “X” in the corner.  Ewwww….

For it to gross me out…that takes ALOT.  I mean ALOT!!!!

I got the sensibilities of an 18-year-old boy and the sense of humor of a 12-year-old.  I love dirty jokes, laugh at people falling, farting or burping.  You know, good clean humor. 

My dad used to tell me….“Steph, leave some of it to the imagination.”

The man was a genius.  And because of it…I have a great imagination.  So, you can skip the meaty parts of some stories, I can make it up .  All on my own.

If I need help, buh-lieve me….I will ask, then we can discuss.

Infinitely sad news…

This man shaped my teen years, spoke of my teen angst and gave me hope that the awkward, forgotten, not gonna fit in teens like me had a chance.

Godspeed John Hughes.  Godspeed.

John Huges 1950 - 2009

“Dear Mr. Vernon,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you’re crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are.

You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out, is that each one of us is a brain,  and an athlete,  and a basketcase,  a princess,  and a criminal. 

Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,

The Breakfast Club. “

 

I feel like a piece of my childhood was just taken away…*sigh*

is that a hint?

Women are vain creatures…it’s okay to admit, we are.

We diet, we color our hair, we buy all SORTS of makeup, we manicure, pedicure, we moisturize, we put sticky goopy “product” in our hair, we wax, laser, tweeze…

all to look purty!!!

I am in that line.  I admit it.  A woman will dissect another woman and break her down to all her friends in an instant.  So it’s important to give other women as little fuel as possible to this fire.

And sometimes, we take one for the team…

For the past 6 weeks or so, I have been not over tweezing, plucking (yes, like a chicken!) or waxing my eyebrows…and it’s been driving me crazy!!!  I need to have my eyebrows re-shaped and well…I don’t necessarily resemble Eugene Levy…but its getting close (not really). 

Whirly keeps laughing at me because I have been worried about my eyebrow appearance.  Until last night…

I am standing at CVS, waiting patiently for a prescription, minding my own business.

A complete stranger walks up, strikes up a pleasant, if out of the blue, conversation about the weather and prescriptions (?) and before she leaves hands me a business card.  It stuns me when I read it, does someone think that this is appropriate on any level?  She handed it to me, smiled and left.

For Laser Hair Removal…

I am hoping she was talking about my eyebrows.

be kind, because you can’t rewind.

I got some inspiration to stop what I was doing and get out what has been rolling around in my mind for days…

I have always said “it’s not mine to forgive.  It’s mine to forget.”

I have always said “you can’t unring a bell.”

I have always said “pick your battles, not the whole war.”

I live by these statements.  I try to get the others in my world to do the same. 

I am a firm believer that He didn’t put us on the 3rd rock to be hateful and cruel to those we are supposed to love.  He didn’t put us here to dishonor and disrespect those around us who are different.

I firmly believe He put us here to teach each other how to be better together than we are alone.  How to put the lessons he gave us (Biblical lessons folks) to us in our own world, with our own free will.

And I firmly believe, I forget to be loving and honorable and respectful and forgiving.

Most of all, I forget to forget.

I feel so much heavier emotionally when I am angry, or scared, or stressed out.  I get darker and darker until I am such a bitch, I think I am better off alone.  And that’s not fair to anyone who just wants to love me.  Who just wants to be my friend.

I can’t change other people.  Their actions or inactions.  But I can change my perception, my attitude towards them, towards the way I handle them, the situation and the outcome.

Folks, be careful with the words you use.  You can’t take them back (unring a bell).  The words – they may be forgiven, but it will be a long time, if ever that they are forgotten.  Words can heal a hurt or cut to the bone. 

Words can be spoken with gentlest of breaths or the harshest of tone. 

Example…Whirly Girl and I tore at each other, I mean, TORE at each other the first time we broke up.  It was ugly, it was hurtful and I will never forget it, the e-mails, the letters, the conversations.  All words.  Meant to put distance and space between us.  And after a bit, our hurtful words worked.  We broke all communication.  We hurt each other and needed to retreat and heal.  And forgive.

6 months later, she took a chance, she called me and said 4 simple words to me that healed my heart and we have not looked back.  Four.simple.words.  Those will never be forgotten, it didn’t take the others away, but it made them very small and insignificant.

Example:  I have two people in my world that have told me I will burn in hell for being gay.  Two people who I love and who I trusted.  I can remember BOTH instances.  I remember the hurt from both of us and the anger all around.  I again, put distance there and took time to heal. 

Months later, I opened back up to BOTH of them.  We have never spoken of it, any of us.  I know that neither of them meant it, it was said in a moment of anger, of panic and of deep hurt…it was forgiven, but it will always sit in the back of my mind…and it changed both the relationships.

Point is…words count.  You can’t get a “do over.”  You have to live with the consequences of the words you have spoken or written.  There isn’t a DEL key in real life.

You will be harsher and say the most horrible things imaginable to someone you love.  Why?  Because you can.  Because they will take it.  Because they will forgive you.

But they won’t forget. 

To be gentle with others, you have to be gentle with yourself first.  It’s a lesson I have been learning.  I have been taking time for me lately.  Lots of internal time.  Lots of jotting notes down, snippets of verses that bring me peace and clarity.

To be gentle with yourself, you have to forgive yourself.  For whatever is at the bottom of it, at the bottom of the hurt and anger, you have to forgive yourself for letting it take control of your life.  Once you truly do that, the anger, the hurt doesn’t have control anymore.  It cannot sustain itself on forgiveness. 

Anger and hurt can only thrive and grow in an environment that fosters mistrust and dishonesty.

I am going to step out, float on my faith and love myself.  As much as I love others.

And I am going to make sure I treat them with the respect and honor that they deserve.

Will you join me?

it’s the visual that makes it all better!!!

as we all know, I am fascinated with stupid.   I stumbled upon this website , Don’t Even Reply and have not stopped laughing yet.

I think it’s mainly from my mental visual (is that an oxymoron) of the writer, giggling  (he’s a blogging drinker – so he says) at his own e-mails.

The responses are hysterical and are so heightened, it is sheerly amazing!  If it’s not real, that’s ok too, because it’s all from the singular mind, which is even funnier!!!

Take a minute, check it and enjoy!!!

My contribution, it’s for a good cause.

I don’t know how to start this post, I don’t have grand words, or an awesome “lead up” to the main event, so I guess I am gonna jump in with both feet and hope it ends up being something you can follow…

I am not what you would ever truly call a nice person.  Well, some can.  I am controlling, I am at times rigid, I am brutally honest and I am probably much more selfish than I wish I was.

But in the past year, I have known two people very close to me that have lost loved ones to breast cancer.  And I hurt for them, for their loved ones and I felt helpless.  Helpless pisses me off.

Whirly Girl lost her cousin Dianna Waters to breast cancer in January, 2008.  She bravely fought her battle for a year with her family and friends supporting her and loving her.  It hurt me to watch Leslie, in Texas, work against her guilt for not being there for her family, getting updates through Dianna’s CaringBridge journal and from family.  I hurt for Dianna’s family and knowing that this disease was a nasty beast that wasn’t playing fair.

The next one being Pat Tomerlin.  My friend, Darren, who is more of a brother to me, married Chaney, Pat’s daughter.  I have known Darren and Chaney for 12 years and would do most anything for them.  I consider them family.  Pat was diagnosed in March and passed away in May, of 2009.  Just two months later.  I watched Chaney go through this through updates to her Facebook page and phone calls to Darren.  As helpless as I felt, I just wanted to grab Chaney, hold her close and make the hurt go away.  I couldn’t and I learned of just how much strength a daughter can have, when faced with comforting a loved one through your own pain.  Chaney was graceful and strong when she didn’t think she could be and I am in awe of her.

These women fought the good fight.  And they have their reward in heaven…which I am more grateful for than I can put into words.

These two women are part of a growing group of people who have had won, lost and are waging a battle within themselves.  The enemy isn’t someone they can look at and hate, the enemy is in them…and it angers me to no end that we can’t find a cure for this.  That we are at the top of the food chain and this small mutating cell can knock us on our ass. 

I didn’t actually know either of them, but they were mothers, daughter, sisters, grandmothers, friends, neighbors to many and knowing that, I feel a little bit of the loss.  They were just like me, like your mom, your sister, your friend or co-worker.  And that blows my mind. 

I don’t do long term illness well, nor the comforting part.  I don’t handle death real well and never know the right words to say or the comforting thing to do.  And I hate the awkwardness that I feel, because I can’t control the universe and I get pissy.

I had decided I need to snap myself out of it.  My funk that has been clinging to me lately and decided a new ‘do would be just the answer…so I begin, looking for that stylish ‘do to make it all better!  I look at hundreds of photos and can’t find anything that I think will look nice with my FAT face so in my frustration I decide “Off with it ALL!!!”

And it hits me…

Cut it short, Steph…cut it and donate it to Locks of Love.  You are worried about how fat you will look with short hair, and these folks HAVE NO HAIR….see….SELFISH!!!!

So, I go to LocksofLove.org, and start reading.  I realize it’s for kids and my stone of a heart melts a little.  I was thinking of adults.  Hell, not KIDS….

And right then, I decided, I don’t care if I look like I have a watermelon on my shoulders, I am doing this.  For them, for me, for a tiny little victory in this horrible battle.

So I did it…as you will see below…it’s gone. 

My heart still hurts for Dianna, for Whirly, for Pat and for Chaney.  but it swells, just a little…

In honor of Dianna Waters and Leslie Moore.

In honor of Pat Tomerlin and Chaney Reames.

I am humble, from my soul, I am sorry for your loss.

 

 

urgh…

Too many in the past FOUR DAYS!!!  Too many…

Godspeed to all of you.  Godspeed. 

Ed McMahon, 1923 – 2009

 

Farrah Fawcett, 1947 – 2009

Michael Jackson, 1958-2009

Billy Mays, 1958-2009

 

May you all rest in peace…..

Hey douchey….it’s not a step for mankind…

I got about two seconds to get this thought out of my head while I am burning dinner…

Folks….

upholding Proposition 8 isn’t really a reason to celebrate…it’s upheld descrimination.  Just thought I would point that out.

so, when you are joyously celebrating that some folks have been prevented from the right to lawfully be wed…

Women didn’t have the right to vote until 1920…

But we sure could bear the children that grew up and turned into the yutzes that have made these archaic laws…and continued to vote on them.

pissy, pissy, pissy…

No Honor, No Glory. Today is a day for both.

It’s Memorial Day and as I have pondered the reason for the holiday, I am humble.   

Thank you.  For your service, for your sacrifice. 

Awesome by any other name is just Awkward

This has to be the funniest thing I have seen today…and in my world, I have the ability to see funny in almost everything…

Heard about it on the radio this morning and decided to check it out.  I now have the emergent need for oxygen as I cannot stop laughing.

My fear is at some point in my life, I will have something posted here….

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

 

Emjoy.