be kind, because you can’t rewind.

I got some inspiration to stop what I was doing and get out what has been rolling around in my mind for days…

I have always said “it’s not mine to forgive.  It’s mine to forget.”

I have always said “you can’t unring a bell.”

I have always said “pick your battles, not the whole war.”

I live by these statements.  I try to get the others in my world to do the same. 

I am a firm believer that He didn’t put us on the 3rd rock to be hateful and cruel to those we are supposed to love.  He didn’t put us here to dishonor and disrespect those around us who are different.

I firmly believe He put us here to teach each other how to be better together than we are alone.  How to put the lessons he gave us (Biblical lessons folks) to us in our own world, with our own free will.

And I firmly believe, I forget to be loving and honorable and respectful and forgiving.

Most of all, I forget to forget.

I feel so much heavier emotionally when I am angry, or scared, or stressed out.  I get darker and darker until I am such a bitch, I think I am better off alone.  And that’s not fair to anyone who just wants to love me.  Who just wants to be my friend.

I can’t change other people.  Their actions or inactions.  But I can change my perception, my attitude towards them, towards the way I handle them, the situation and the outcome.

Folks, be careful with the words you use.  You can’t take them back (unring a bell).  The words – they may be forgiven, but it will be a long time, if ever that they are forgotten.  Words can heal a hurt or cut to the bone. 

Words can be spoken with gentlest of breaths or the harshest of tone. 

Example…Whirly Girl and I tore at each other, I mean, TORE at each other the first time we broke up.  It was ugly, it was hurtful and I will never forget it, the e-mails, the letters, the conversations.  All words.  Meant to put distance and space between us.  And after a bit, our hurtful words worked.  We broke all communication.  We hurt each other and needed to retreat and heal.  And forgive.

6 months later, she took a chance, she called me and said 4 simple words to me that healed my heart and we have not looked back.  Four.simple.words.  Those will never be forgotten, it didn’t take the others away, but it made them very small and insignificant.

Example:  I have two people in my world that have told me I will burn in hell for being gay.  Two people who I love and who I trusted.  I can remember BOTH instances.  I remember the hurt from both of us and the anger all around.  I again, put distance there and took time to heal. 

Months later, I opened back up to BOTH of them.  We have never spoken of it, any of us.  I know that neither of them meant it, it was said in a moment of anger, of panic and of deep hurt…it was forgiven, but it will always sit in the back of my mind…and it changed both the relationships.

Point is…words count.  You can’t get a “do over.”  You have to live with the consequences of the words you have spoken or written.  There isn’t a DEL key in real life.

You will be harsher and say the most horrible things imaginable to someone you love.  Why?  Because you can.  Because they will take it.  Because they will forgive you.

But they won’t forget. 

To be gentle with others, you have to be gentle with yourself first.  It’s a lesson I have been learning.  I have been taking time for me lately.  Lots of internal time.  Lots of jotting notes down, snippets of verses that bring me peace and clarity.

To be gentle with yourself, you have to forgive yourself.  For whatever is at the bottom of it, at the bottom of the hurt and anger, you have to forgive yourself for letting it take control of your life.  Once you truly do that, the anger, the hurt doesn’t have control anymore.  It cannot sustain itself on forgiveness. 

Anger and hurt can only thrive and grow in an environment that fosters mistrust and dishonesty.

I am going to step out, float on my faith and love myself.  As much as I love others.

And I am going to make sure I treat them with the respect and honor that they deserve.

Will you join me?

Today is a new day…

There is pain, suffering, loss and guilt enough to last many lifetimes over, it can swallow me whole and I can dwell on so many of the negatives each day, that I run out of words.  I could run out of hope.  But then, the bad, negative things win…

I can’t let that happen, not now…not today…

I have decided, in about the last 45 seconds that today is going to be a good day.

I may not have a comma in my bank account…but it’s a good day.

I may not have a college education to further my career…but it’s a good day.

I may not have the girlish figure that I dreamed of…but it’s a good day.

Why?

I have my faith.  I have my family.  And I have my friends. 

And I shall rejoice in the knowledge that today is a gift.  That my faith surrounds me, comforts me, holds me fast and is constant. 

That my family is here, now, in this moment with me.  And are a blessing to me.

That my friends love me, as I love them and they are each an integral force in my life that helps me take every step. 

I am here, now, in this moment.  And for that, I am grateful.

For that, I am joyful.

State of the Union, Stephanie Style.

Well, here we are again, at the end of another year…a time of reflection.  And since I will be uber-busy tomorrow, I won’t have time to think, much less post my thoughts.

 

My thoughts run wild and rampant tonight and there are so many things to say, things I feel and yet, most I keep to myself, as it’s my way.  But there are some I want to share, there are people that I want to recognize, as they have affected my life this year, in ways I never expected.

 

First and foremost, I want to mention I could not, would not, have made it through this year without my faith in the Lord Above.  I have relied on Him and tested Him in ways that would confound even, well, Him; I have floated on my faith and been carried through some truly rough times, I questioned His wisdom occasionally and I fell…but only far enough to learn the lesson and pull myself back up.  I never ONCE felt He left my side.  I could only hope for this kind of blind faith in Him, in SOMETHING for everyone I know.  It’s a peaceful, calming feeling…knowing that I am not alone, even in my darkest times.  Amen!

 

Now…let’s get this party started…

 

To say me and my folks, friends and family alike, have had a roller coaster of a year, is a complete and utter understatement.  It’s been one hell of a ride!

 

Let it also be understood, I am not intentionally leaving you out of my blog for any reason other than well…the mind is a terrible thing to waste and most days, I don’t have the capacity to put two thoughts together logically.  I am POSITIVE I am leaving folks out…

 

Here’s to THAT friend…the one that never lets me forget who I am, and who I can be.  Kenner has been my warrior and my sounding board.  When I have a problem, she is the first person I run to…aside from those inside my four walls…I can’t thank you enough for your never-ending faith, trust, love and honor.  It’s truly in those quiet times that I realize just how much you are a part of my soul.  My best friend…my sister of choice…

 

Here’s to the two that honestly have been handed more lemons than any two people I know and have continuously made lemonade. For Shae and Phyllis…in my lifetime, I have never, NEVER met two people that had a more positive outlook on EVERYTHING.  It’s almost nauseating…

      

For Shae…she has made her own choices and NOT listened to her big sissy…and we ALL know how that NEVER works…yet…when the chips were down, I was the first person she call to be there for her.  And her strength amazes me.  Always amazes me.  Our relationship has changed again this year and I see her as something I have never seen her as.  An adult.  Well done baby sister.  Well done.

 

For Phyllis…my Sweet P…the Grace of God has seen her through the passing of her father and her aunt with an amazing strength.  It has seen her through the toughest part of a relationship and made her more compassionate than I thought one human could be.  He saw her through a horrific car accident that could have taken her from me…and for that, I believe that Phyllis has a higher purpose here.  Phyllis, my life is sweeter because of you.  I am so glad you are here.

 

For the friend from a lifetime ago, Tanner; I don’t think that had we “hung out” in high school we would be where we are today.  And for that, I am so grateful that it took twenty years for our friendship to blossom.  Your laugh brightens my day and you have shown me that new old friends are sometimes the best ones to have.  You showed me just how good a friend you are and you never even knew you did it.    I am forever grateful you are in my corner.  You are golden, Tanner…there aren’t many like you.

 

For my mother…good God…I do not know where to start with this woman…she has knocked on deaths door more times than should be allowed and I have to say…for the first time in at least 9 years…we went a FULL YEAR with no HOSPITAL visit…did you realize that???  I have tested my mom…her patience, her sanity, her temper, time after time after time…and through it all…she reminded me what it’s like to be a mom.  Not the PERFECT mom, by my mom…thank you…I don’t know how else to say it.  Thank. You.

 

My little Lilleebutt…the pride of the clan…you are so much like your Aunt Stephie, it is unreal!!! I will promise to protect you from the dumb boys that will make you cry and to be there when mean mommy grounds you for sneaking out, talking back, missing curfew (I said she was like me!!!).  I will have your mommy’s back, but I remember what a turd she was way back when and I am the one to regale you with these stories.  Never lose that gleam in your eye…that laugh in your smile and that sass in your step…you little one…make my life merrier.

 

Then there’s the fam damily…

 

Oh, the son…the youngest of this clan.  The only testosterone in this House of Estrogen; poor thing.  He is picked on, pushed around, loved and cherished.  Through it all, he loves it.  We all want the best for this little man.  My brave one.  He is my whistler in the morning and my smile at night.  The boy will grow into the man he is terrified to be before I know it and I already mourn the fact that sooner rather than later…he will be my baby boy no more.  My world in infinitely better because of you!

 

Ah…the daughter.  I have raged, cried, boasted and laughed at her, with her and because of her.  She is the whole reason I am a mommy and it hurts my heart to know that she is on the threshold of adulthood and my role in her life, the one that is influx right now, will be changing, permanently so very soon.  She is my touchstone.  My fiercest protector and my biggest fan.  She is gorgeous, loud, brazen and demanding…just who I wish I could be.  You are my breath and reason for living.  You make it better, just with that 1,000 watt smile of yours.  Thank you for allowing me to watch the show…

 

My Whirly Girl…I have never loved another with the ferocity that I love you.  I can’t say it any simpler than that.  You make me brighter, happier and better than I could be without you.  You are what was missing from me.  And with four small words, made all my dreams come true. 

 

Whew…almost done…you still with me?

 

Here’s to the friend of long distance…the one that I crave to get back to.  I will, when the time is right…you have stayed in my life for this long and I have treasured our friendship for as long as I can remember.  You are my support from afar and I feel smarter just knowing you. Thank you for stickin’ around!

 

Here’s to the unnamed, yet never forgotten people.  You have come into or out of my life for a reason.  You have shown me that strength, laughter, the best and the worst.  I wish only that you continue to get everything in life that you deserve and desire.  We will never be far apart and I am merely a phone call away.

 

Here’s to the support for the blog surfers that read what I put out here…You have re-ignited a passion in me that makes me WANT to write more.  It’s inspired a long lost dream. That you read it, comment on it and support me…fuels my ambitions and makes me want to be so much more creative.  Thank you for helping me in ways you may never understand.  It’s an honor to be a part of this “blog-o-sphere family.”

 

Lastly, here’s to me…yes.  me…I have put so many in front of me that I forgot that I can take care of no one if I don’t care for me first.  I have only resolution in the coming year.  It’s not for a smaller waist or lower number on the scale.  It’s not more money or a better job or to even win the lottery…its one simple sentence.

 

I resolve to put me first. 

 

So, so long 2008; you have been quite a year.  You have shown me the best and worst in folks and that I have a faith and a strength that I never knew I could muster. 

 

I wish you well…

 

Hello…2009…buckle up!!!

I have to praise….

I have been in a deep dark place lately.  I have to a certain extent cut myself off from life, kind of sitting back, not making any decisions, hoping and doing a LOT of praying.

I was in a “Poor Me”  life is so hard place and started reading through several of my posts.  And I realized that when I quit worrying about it, when I realize that it will all work out, when I lean on my faith…I see results. 

I have been hit with several instances over the past few days of….”you could always have it worse.”

You know that feeling, when you look at someone who has less than you, that works twice as hard as you do and yet, they smile.  I wonder if they are thinking “You could always have it worse.”

I am ashamed at the amount of self pity I wallow in, but I am allowed from time to time.  I can get the woe-is-me-blues, just like anyone else.

I have in the past few months have been blessed with making some really great new friends.  Not really NEW friends, I have been around them for months and years, just superficially.  But I have reached out to these folks and they are REALLY great!  I enjoy spending time with them and I look forward to each opportunity I have to be around them.  They have blended in with my existing friends and made the connections that will enable all of us to be this group of people that just enjoy each others company.  And these people I can talk to about my family, my job, my faith.  We all share these amazing ties….it’s a small world.

My daughter is maturing and is currently having these moments of “WOW!” you know, those moments when she isn’t such a teenager and I get a glimpse of the adult daughter of mine.  It’s breathtaking and scary.  Don’t get me wrong, she is typical teenager 98% of the time so for that 98% percent of the time, I am wrong.

I met a woman this weekend that came from Houston for my party with my best girl.  This woman, is quite a bit younger than me and in talking to her, briefly about her job and life in Houston, made me (1) really like her and (2) impressed me beyond belief.  She is pediatric home nurse.  She takes on children who, as she said, “Got a rotten lot in life,” and she loves her job!  Now, to me, this job is reserved for those who have years of experience, that are jaded and have seen stuff.  She’s young.  She loves it and loves that these children who are handicapped, just don’t know any different.  I bet the don’t say “You could always have it worse.”  And damnit, she volunteers with OTHER kids on a basketball team.  And I don’t think she doesn’t know how to NOT smile.    I can say, when I first heard her talk about the job and the kids, I felt small….

I got to see the best girl over the weekend.  I cannot tell you how much I miss her when she isn’t around.  How much I depend on her friendship.  She is so much more to me than just a friend, she is part of my heart.  She just gets me.  In that big way.  I can’t pull bullshit on her and I would not even think to try.  I want her to live back in Dallas, so I can see her the way I used to.  But I know her life is in Houston now and for some reason, it doesn’t scare me that it will put distance between us.  She’s moved to Germany and I felt close to her even then, and she was on a completely different continental shelf!!!  She’s just THAT friend….she just knows me.  And still, loves me!  Yup, Kenner is my soldier. 

So my finances have been a roller coaster throughout the summer.  I look forward to the cooler climate, the easing of the days.   And when I came to work this morning, I found that I had received a “gift” in my account that I had prayed for.  And it will make it easier.  Not a CURE ALL.  But a breath.  And that is all I needed.  

I realized in working on this post, that last night, I didn’t worry about it.  I didn’t think about the “what-ifs” and I put my feet to my faith and I just did what I talk about.  I gave it up.  

I gave it up in the form of NOT sitting on the couch, running it through my mind over and over.  I gave it up in the form of cleaning out the linen closet and letting my OCD run wild.  I matched pillowcases to sheets, folded the extra bathing suits we keep on hand and organized the umpteen backpacks in the floor.  ah…..nice and orderly…just what a control freak like me wants to see.  I thought of sleeping in front of it with the light on, just to gaze at it’s wonderment.  ‘Cause it won’t be long before it is blown apart again….kids, man, kids….

I talk about it, relying on my faith.  And I DO.  Always.  But being the control freak that I am….I will want to control to the exact minute when and where and how I receive my blessings.  Folks, I can’t do that.  I imagine that He is just like one of my kids in that moment…”Oh, no….you aren’t gonna tell ME what to do.”  And just like that….I have to learn patience.

So, I have to praise answered prayers.  I need to remember the answered prayers are the new friends that cross my path.  They are the role models that don’t know they are.  They are the children that show you the future.  They are the clean linen closet.  They are staring right in your face, just when you need to see them. 

 They are carried on breath.

I am my own undoing….

Its been awhile since I have been out in the blogosphere; I could say I have been too busy, I could say I haven’t had anything to say….

I would be lying.  I don’t lie.

I haven’t been out here for one simple, stunning reason….I am in a FUNKY, dark place.  And.it.sucks.

I have found that writing is cathartic.  I can purge, I can be quippy, sarcastic, sad, angry, happy, blessed and blank.  And I have found an audience that supports me all the way.  Well audience….buckle up.

I alternately love and hate the summer.  I love it, for all the freedom it brings, the warmth, the time outside.  I hate it for all the added stress it brings to me financially.  Point blank simple – summer will damn near bankrupt me.  Every time.

I am proud of the job I have, I depend on it.  It keeps me afloat.  And 9 months out of the year, it provides enough to provide food, shelter and well being for my family.  Now, the Whirly Girl is fiscally able to help as well, but she has her own bills she has to pay and I need to be responsible for mine, right?  So I make enough to make ends meet.  It gets tight, but I manage.  There isn’t anything left for debt repair or saving for my retirement or college….but the Respondent doesn’t do anything to help.  Zero, nada, zip….

With gas being $4.00 freakin dollars a gallon until the past 9 days….I have to rob Peter to pay Paul.  Car payments are late, rent hits the deadline that the landlord is willing to give, the utilities are a month past due.  It’s the way of my summer.  It gets caught up come fall but I stress through it all.  And until this post, I haven’t really been out there about it.  I figure, it’s time that I just get honest, right?

Oprah isn’t helping me.  Bill Gates isn’t sending my kids to college.  Publisher’s Clearing House isn’t knockin’ on my front door.  It’s on me and the Whirly Girl.

See, the kids are out of school.  So, there is the added expense of utilities, food, entertainment in general.  Well, add to that the friends.  These aren’t standard issue friends, these kids are like locusts.  I don’t imagine many of them have food at home.  They come in, lay around and graze.

Utilities in Texas are high anyway and with it being as hot as the 7th circle of hell lately, my a/c runs 24/7 and is set at 80!!!  Luckily, we have a ceiling fan in every room, we keep the blinds drawn and we run around in shorts, so we are comfortable, but the electric bill will hit $450 per month before September!  And I am on average billing.  

I so wanted to take my kids on vacation this summer, but I could not do it.  And it kills me.  I have taken them on a vacation every summer since me and the Respondent divorced and I feel like a failure.  We have had get togethers here, we have done movies and dinner and fun stuff, but we didn’t leave here as a family and go anywhere. 

I feel like I am on the hook for everything.  I can see in my daughter’s eyes when I let her down.  Everytime.  Most of the time, I can hear it in her voice.  It’s the one colossal thing that will bring tears to my eyes and hurt my stone heart….that I have let my kids down.

Tonight, we had another one of our conversations “You said you would do this.”  I get it, daughter.  I do.  I know what I say, I sometimes thing you embelish it, but I have the best of intentions when I make statements.  I will do everything that I will tell you I am doing, but I may have to rearrange.  See, I told her I would pay to get her industrial ear piercing redone.  She lost the earring-bar thingy that goes in it, so I said I would take care of it.  I didn’t expect when I said it, that it had a time limit.  And now, she wants it RIGHT NOW and to be honest, that $30 extra may be gas money.  But how to I tell my child that in a way she doesn’t worry about our finances? 

I got a call from our bank last night.  The daughter has overdrawn her account again.  This is the 4th time this has happened in THREE MONTHS!!!  They told me, if she doesn’t rectify it and if she does it again, she will close her account, my account (she’s underage, I am co-signer) and report it on my oh-so-stellar credit….great more stress.

I live in a beautiful house.  I have a tremendous landlord who I think was God sent to me.  But I also pay $325 PER MONTH more for my rent house, than I did for my mortgage.  I did this, because out of divorce guilt, I wanted to keep the kids close to their friends and in the schools they have gone to for many years.  I can handle it for two years, right?  Well, it pisses me off that the kids, don’t understand nor appreciate that I am doing this.  They know its more expensive, because we were all involved in picking our new home last summer.  We looked at some that were more affordable but they didn’t like them.  I’m sorry, the daughter didn’t like them.  The son would live whereever, as long as he had playstation….but it was important to me that the daughter have some “skin in the game.” 

Well, it’s a fight to get either of them to help keep it picked up.  NOT CLEANED within an inch of sterility, but keep the common areas picked up.  Put the dishes away, keep the towels/clothes/toothpaste picked up in the house bathroom.  No, I come home from work and start my second job, as maid/short order cook/ATM machine.

The daughter works now, which was a feat unto itself.  She wanted to lifeguard, has wanted to for over a year, and in her previous job, I encouraged her strongly to save money towards the class, as to BE a lifeguard, you have to be certified and the class costs $250.  I told her I didn’t think I should be on the hook for the class since it was a job she wanted for herself and she should save the money.  She didn’t yet by the Grace of God, she got a scholarship for the class and has thrown herself into her work.  I am very proud of her.  She hasn’t asked me for alot of money anymore, it’s more like “Can we go get Taco C?”  “Can you get my expensive shampoo, I’m out” (I use shampoo and condition that costs $3-5 TOTAL for both, she uses some crap that is $10-12 total for both)  I understand as a parent, I am responsible for providing the basics for them, but if it’s good enough for my hair, shouldn’t it be good enough for theirs? 

The kids can’t share anything, it’s like WWIII.  So it’s two tubes of toothpaste, separate shampoo and conditioner, etc.  Trust me, one will hide it from the other….

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash on the daughter, who is just like my beloved sister and has remarkable behavior traits of her dad, the son isn’t all that innocent when it comes to the money sucking….the son is just on a grander damn scale about it.  He breaks shit.  Big time.

He has an impressive lack of focus and an awesomely short attention span.  Which has cost me a lawn mower that will need to be replaced, umpteen pool accessories, bathroom repairs, screen door repairs, tv/dvd repairs, dvd replacements, rental game replacements, clothes and more electricity that I think the N. Texas electrical grid can handle. 

TV left on, every light in the room?  The son has been there.  Half eaten food and drink lying around in a pool of whatever?  The son has been there.  His answer?  “Oh, I didn’t SEE it.”  “Oh, I forgot.”

I have become that mommy….I am a pushover until I can take it no longer and then I erupt like Mt. Versuvius!  And I get called psycho.  Believe it or not – it kinda stings. 

I want my kids to like me, to respect me, to know I would do anything for them.  But I want them to have discipline, responsibilty and knowledge.  They fight me on it.  The son not as much as the daughter, but he’s not a teenager yet and she is full blown.

I know they love me fiercely.  I know they get how hard I work, how little their father does for them and to help me.  I know that I tell them things, usually in the frustration of the moment, that I shouldn’t.  But I am human.  Maybe I forced them to grow up too fast, I gave them to much adult knowledge too quikly and I am reaping the benefits of being a mother that grew up herself while raising kids. 

So now, I sit here tonight, knowing I have let my daughter down, knowing that I hurt in ways I can’t explain because I am too prideful.  Knowing I need help, but not knowing who or how to ask for it.  Knowing that my pride will keep me from admitting to those I need to that I need help to get out of this hole I have dug into. 

I know that my faith and my determination will get me through it, it always has.  My daddy raised a survivor and I am proud of that fact.  I will make it.  On my terms and in my own time.  My God carries me when I can’t take another step and shows me my options.  I float on my faith.

I don’t worry that I will make it, because if I worry, I doubt God and the work He does through me.  If I worry, I take the prayer I just sent up and negate it.  He hears my prayers and He will answer them.  In his way.  Doesn’t mean he’s going to send me a check or anything.  No, He is going to keep me calm, keep me centered and I will see the way.  It’s always worked in the past, it will always work in my present, I will depend on it in my future.

See, I am my own worst enemy.  I am harder on myself than anyone else ever will be.  I will stress about things I cannot change and I will lash out at those I love the most.  I will forgive and ask to be forgiven.  Tomorrow is a new day and it is full of promise. 

I am going to get up, put one foot in front of the other and wait for Auntie Oprah to call me.  Or Uncle Bill to knock on my door.  And I am going to keep doing my do’s because it’s what I am here for.

Yep, I am my own undoing…..I will unravel myself in a New York minute, get all hopped up on indignation and maytrdom….and I will pull myself back in.  My therapist would be so proud.

I have a saying clipped up at my desk and I live by it:

The Will of God will not take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

whew!  this ride is now over, did you survive?  I did…

I am not ashamed.

Says alot for a society that has taken all prayers, faith, God and decency out of the code of school conduct. 

I whole heartedly believe that to each his own, that not everyone celebrates or practices the same faith or any conventional faith as I do.  But when did the exception become the rule?

Why cannot I not celebrate my faith because it may upset someone of another faith?  What if they upset me, are they going to care?  If I offend an agnostic, does it matter that they offend me?  When did political correctness begin to outweigh common sense and decency?

But there was a time, not long ago, that the Pledge of Allegiance was allowed in a classroom and prayer was celebrated.  I remember it, I was in elementary school.  We said prayer before lunch and those that didn’t believe as I did or didn’t want to, they simply didn’t.

Why remove from the many for the few?

It’s kinda of like the radio.  I cannot tolerate listening to Beyonce.  I just don’t like her music.  I am sure she is a nice person, I don’t know her…..but if her song comes on the radio, I change the station.  It’s just that simple. 

If someone is in the car and likes it, I can muster through for three minutes.  Why can’t Joe Blow handle listening to the Pledge of Allegiance for 30 effin seconds??!!?? 

As a whole, our morality is in the shitter.  And that is about the most decent way to put that.  Sorry.

We have sexuality classes in elementary school, we have pregnant teenagers as a norm in high school.  We are pierced, tattooed, shaved and who knows what else in the name of freedom of expression.  We justify crime by saying it’s society’s fault.  We sue McDonald’s because we got fat eating 3 Big Macs a day….but nothing is ever OUR fault.

And now, we take God, faith and prayer out of it….what are we teaching our kids? 

Who does it hurt to have the word GOD spoken above a whisper anymore? 

Anyway….here….because I am not ashamed.

WRITTEN BY A 15 yr. old SCHOOL KID IN ARIZONA :

Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord’s Prayer are not allowed in most
public schools anymore. Because the word “God” is mentioned….A kid in Arizona wrote the attached

NEW School prayer :
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
 
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
 
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.
It’s “inappropriate” to teach right from wrong,
We’re taught that such “judgments” do not belong.
 
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
 
It’s scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
 
If you aren’t ashamed to do this, please pass this on.

Jesus said, “If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.”
Not ashamed. Pass this on.

OK, so now I feel like an ass….

You know, I was bitchin about my lot in life earlier….and you know what I say….God will show you something…

From whoisthemonkey.com, I found this:

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[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly] I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots.

But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

Eighty-five times he’s pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he’s not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars–all in the same day.

Dick’s also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much–except save his life. This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

“He’ll be a vegetable the rest of his life;” Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. “Put him in an Institution.”

But the Hoyts weren’t buying it. They noticed the way Rick’s eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. “No way,” Dick says he was told. “There’s nothing going on in his brain.”

“Tell him a joke,” Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? “Go Bruins!” And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, “Dad, I want To do that.”

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described “porker” who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. “Then it was me who was handicapped,” Dick says. “I was sore For two weeks.”

That day changed Rick’s life. “Dad,” he typed, “when we were running, It felt like I wasn’t disabled anymore!”

And that sentence changed Dick’s life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

“No way,” Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren’t quite a Single runner, and they weren’t quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, “Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?”

How’s a guy who never learned to swim and hadn’t ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried.

Now they’ve done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don’t you Think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you’d do on your own? “No way,” he says. Dick does it purely for “the awesome feeling” he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992–only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don’t keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time.

“No question about it,” Rick types. “My dad is the Father of the Century.”

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. “If you hadn’t been in such great shape,” One doctor told him, “you probably would’ve died 15 years ago.” So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other’s life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father’s Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

“The thing I’d most like,” Rick types, “is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.”

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God Bless Dick Hoyt and his son Rick.  I need to take a lesson from them.

What an amazing story, what an amazing bond these two have.  I have sat here and bawled and watched this video.  Leslie walked by, I told her about it and tears welled in her eyes too.  Not sad, just awestruck.

It’s amazing what the power of CAN will do.

I am going to go hug my kids now……

The tale of the cereal bar…

Think that there isn’t a force larger than you at work in your life?  Consider this….

As I left the house at the butt crack of dawn this morning, I didn’t remember to grab my lunch.  Instead for some insane reason, I grabbed not one, not two but three cereal bars (NutriGrain for those that don’t know).  Three is an odd number of these to grab, but that’s exactly what I did, shoving them in the purse as I ran out the door.

Got a bit hungry first thing, popped a cereal bar open and calmed the beast making the noise in the tummy, one down, two to go….

So….busy, busy, BUSY day….no time for lunch, NO SWEAT….two down, one to go…..

I get home, grab a snack and it’s back out the door to deliver the teenager to work (Halleujah!) and the son to Tae Kwon Do on the OTHER SIDE OF THE METROPLEX!!! 

As I am sitting, watching extremely hyper children do combinations (High Block! Back Stance!!! Kee-yah!) an older gentleman walks in, he sits next to me (mind you there are 8 other chairs all around me) and patiently waits for Master Lewis to stop for a break. 

As we wait, he tells me he is looking for some handy work, he is out of work and needs cash.  He also mentions he hasn’t eaten all day.  At first, I tell him I wish I could help, but I don’t have any cash (I truly didn’t), he said no thank you, he wants to work.  So I sit quietly, watching the kids.  And it hits me….

Cereal bar number three….in my purse…..

I ask him if he would like it, he says yes please.  I hand it to him and he looks at me and says “Bless you.  Thank you Jesus.”  Just like that. 

Master Lewis gave him a few dollars to eat something, all the while, this man was praising Jesus like he had won the lottery.  I believe with every fiber of my being that he felt truly blessed.  He was genuine in his faith.  I know that He will protect this man all his days.

If I had taken my lunch instead of grabbing those silly little bars, I wouldn’t have had anything to give him, he might not have waited for Master Lewis and I may not have been blessed with this trail of logic.

Folks, pay it forward…..

I KNOW, I know….I am being tested….

Well, here I am again, to testify to God’s amazing presence in my life. 

Life has thrown me some lemons lately, in fact, I am sick of lemonade at this particular moment….so I am at my lowest point.  Begging that God show me my faith, that He hold me up until I can get on my feet again. 

And He is.  In His way, not mine.

My financial acrobatics oughta qualify me for the Olympics or something….I have learned in my lifetime to NEVER count on anything, that includes the Respondent EVER being a father or supporting his children.  So, the end of the school year for a junior packs alot, ALOT of punch to the checking account for a parent.  Not so hard on two, but on one….it sucks….

So we are tenderly stepping through this minefield of the moment.  I am scared witless about the dwindling of my checking account, wondering where my fairy godmother is to loan me the little extra to make it through this hurdle….and I find my peace.  I know in some way, this is gonna work out for me.  I don’t know when and I don’t know how….but I can’t bury my head and hide from it.  I have to face it.  Head on…..with Him by my side, holding me up when I get scared.

About a week ago, Riley broke the new lawnmower.  Not so new it’s still under warranty, but this is only the SECOND summer we have used the lawnmower.  Leslie took to the repair shop and they told her it would be just as expensive to buy a new one as it would to repair the old one.  Crap!  Now what?  So I call my old lawn guy, Nahum (wonderful man!) and he tells me he will stop by on Wednesday night to take a look, get a key and will mow on Saturday.  No Nahum on Wednesday or Thursday…….so Leslie goes out to see what she can “tinker” with….and comes upon the broken lawnmower….well, folks, I am currently listening to the sound of Leslie using the BROKEN, yet FIXED lawnmower right now.

I have been busy at work, super, freakishly busy at work for the past week, so much so, I didn’t think I would see the end of the tunnel…..so I prayed for strength.  And at 5:00 pm today, I had my desk clean, EVERY ONE OF MY GOALS MET, and I was stuffing the checks to drop in the mail. 

I need to remember to keep the faith.  Money is made and spent, there will be more where it came from.  Everything that breaks can be repaired.  And I have more strength than I can ever expend.

I leave it up to you Lord.  You keep testing me, keep showing me my faith.  You never fail me.

 

Thank you.

Amen. 

Small blessings….

People know I am faithful.  I proudly wear my faith on my sleeve.  I will stand up and witness my faith and the faith of others whenever I need to.

I pray before I go to bed, I pray when I need strength, I pray when I need guidance.  Face it….I am a prayer!

Let me tell you in the past few days, I have prayed ALOT for the good Lord to keep my mouth in check, to guide me with a quiet hand.  Because if He didn’t I was gonna lose my cool composure all.over.everybody!!!!!

Two days ago, I came within inches of an “ethnic” landscaping truck that decided in the last nanosecond to move into my lane.  My front wheel was in line with their back wheel, I was in their blind spot and they didn’t see me, but they heard my squealing tires as I slammed on my brakes, they smelled the burned rubber of the squealing tires…..and I didn’t get hit. 

I have had a rough couple of days at work, basically due to my constant state of clean up of my position.  It’s better than it was, however I have more to do.  I have found that in the past week, I have been at the mercy of others who affect my job by doing theirs.  And in not sending me the invoice/bill of ladings/approvals necessary, I have spent quite a bit of time backtracking.  Well, I get loud when I get pissed, so I spent Thursday being loud.  I got stifled in a meeting that I requested to discuss the breakdown and just stayed pissy, but now slient……..And praying….for guidance in how to walk quietly and carry a big stick…..

Alas, God didn’t send me a big stick, but it did help to center me and help me focus on what what right in front of me…it also kept me thinking about my favorite addage:  “one bite at a time.”

I found that at the end of the day, I got the audience I needed with one of the owners of the company and I got to QUIETLY give someone who CAN make a change.  My opinion; It was heard, it was appreciated and I think, it will make a difference.  Along with the opinions of others, because I can’t build a boat by myself!

I have stress in my life of the financial nature.  It’s my doing, but with two kids, I live on a budget.  I stress more when that budget gets blown and my stress in life is 98% financial.  I have learned to lean on my faith and know that I will have exactly what I need to make the ends meet.   I find myself waking at 4:00 in the morning worried about this bill and that bill….why the Respondent can’t seem to pay his child support and why the friggin utilities are so OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!  Then I tell myself “Stephanie, float on faith.  You will have what you need to make it through, He will show you the solution.”

Now, I don’t for one moment think that God sends me a check, but my moment of prayer calms me, centers me and puts my mind in focus.  To see the positive, to see the options.  And it works out, just as I need it to.

I know that God has a purpose for me and mine on this rock.  I know that I am here to share my experiences, my stories, my faith.   I know that I am here to teach my children how to be better people, to live full lives and to share THEIR faith with those around them. 

You don’t have to have faith in the same things that I do.  But have faith in SOMETHING. We all travel around each other putting energy out there.  We all affect each other, our energy begets more energy, the whole butterfly effect of things. 

Believe in yourself, believe that there is something out there guiding all of us.  That we all move in and around each other in some sort of synchronized dance.   If I move here, you will move there…..and that is a small blessing. 

The faith that we have that you will move there.

I hope you have a faith filled day……will you join me in the dance?