The Thing About Kendra…

Today is my girl Kendra’s birthday.  And of course, she gets her very own blog.  Actually, I woke up thinking, “Must tell Kenner Happy Birthday!” and then I just got to thinking about this person…who is every bit my sister yet, there isn’t a shred of DNA to be shared.

As seems to be my modus operandi, I am gonna tell you a few things about my friend.  I have done this before, as a “how to” list for her (as in a How To List to Keep Kendra Happy).  At last check, she still had it.  This time, I get to publish this list so we can ALL have it.

Let’s see.

1)  Kendra started as my next door neighbor.  And until fate and a TD Industries truck blocked her driveway we never met.  I remember peeking out the window on prom night watching them take pictures in their front yard.  Not like a creepy stalker…but as a mommy and wife, wanting to be younger and going to the prom again…*sigh*

I have yet to live down admitting THAT one to her…

2)  Kendra has a twin sister.  A fact that was pointed out to me by the Respondent without much more detail (this will be important momentarily).  So for two years, I live next door to the twins, usually only ever seeing Kendra and thinking she was BOTH twins. 

They are fraternal twins.  Look nothing alike.  NOTHING.  The Respondent didn’t mention that…so I just rolled with it.   Kendra worked at Eckerd’s…what do you think my dumbass would do…yup…walk into Eckerd’s, call her Kelly and not see that her name KENDRA was on her name tag and I was indeed the creepy stalker kind of chick that called her by her sister’s name.

I have yet to live that down either.

3)  Until the past 5 years, Kendra had never left Dallas.  Didn’t plan to live anywhere else.  Kendra didn’t CHANGE LANES….she has now lived in Germany, LEARNED GERMAN, travelled across Europe, Korea and Alabama.  This certain fact is probably the funniest, yet proudest singular fact I have on her…she did what I want to do.  Up and move.  And she adapted very well.

4)  The dog.  Meka.  It’s actually like a small child with hair and a tail and Kendra treats like the princess she is.  Meka is a pug, so by definition is too cute.  And spoiled.friggin.rotten!!!  I love this dog.  Meka was born in Germany (I think) so the damn dog is more travelled than I am.  What’s that?!?!?

5)  Kendra drives a Tahoe like a go-cart.  Which is funny, because 10 years ago, at Taco Bueno, we did a 472-point turn in a parking spot because Kendra would not drive out of the spot IN REVERSE.  And at the time…she drove a Mazda 626.  Think of the scene in Austin Powers where he gets the gator stuck in the hallway…that was this turn.  I have never laughed as hard as I did in that moment and she did it.  With me standing there, in shock and awe watching her.  That she drives a car that the Mazda would fit in…maybe it’s just me…but it’s funny!!!

I have yet to let her live this down…

6)  No one loves Kendra like my boy does.  She was his first girlfriend. She nicknamed him while he was still in utero and it’s stuck.  Peanut and Doodle.  Either/or.  At 18 months.  He would bat his eyes at her, smile coyly and flirt shamelessly.  To return the favor for Peanut and Doodle, Riley gave her the nickname that has stuck.  With the most precious sentence ever spoken by a baby.  “I lub you Kenner.”

7)  Very few are allowed to call her Kenner.  In fact, there’s maybe 4…TOTAL.  And if you call her Kenner and are not on the short list, she will very quickly tell you “You cannot call me Kenner.”  I know this for a fact as she did snarl this at someone in my presence with the most withering look, ever!  I think he cried.  Don’t call her Kenner unless you want to be emasculated in public.  Kenner is Riley’s name for her…deal with it.

8)  She eats weird.  Like getting a burrito and squeezing all the stuff out of it.  Or an egg roll…same thing.   She has explained this to me several times, but every time we Taco Bell or Bueno it, it amazes me.  It’s the funniest thing to watch.  She also did not eat crab legs until a few years ago when I cajoled her into trying them…she hasn’t looked back!!!

9)  Speaking of food, Kenner loves pancakes.  Few years ago, on my first day at a new job, I told my boss I was gonna be late, I had something to do before work.  What I had to do was break into my besties house and make her pancakes.  Last year, when we traveled to Houston to celebrate said birthday…we got pancakes.  Sadly this year, no pancakes on the birthday…but I do get to see her next weekend…so I may work some in. 

10)  Do not wear stinky patchouli base perfume around her.  She will tell you quickly and in certain words “You smell like Tobasco.  Don’t wear that again!”  I know this.  I was the tobasco wearer.  I now wear three scents that she approved of years ago.  I do not alter.  Her favorite Stephanie smell is Aqua Di Gio by Giorgio Armani.  I must always make sure to have that around.  And no Tobasco.

Kendra is soooo much more than my friend.  She is part of who I am.  Our friendship has shaped me and changed me over the years.  I think it’s for the better.  I shine more when my friend is around.  She makes me that happy!

She has seen me in my darkest hour and loved me through it.  She has fiercely protected me from myself and from others for 13 years.  She’s the go-to person when I need someone to make me see things from someone else’s view.    Kendra will set me straight (relative term) when I am wrong.  She will hold me up and make me strong when I don’t think I can do it any more.  I could not ask for a better friend.

We can live in different places, on different continental shelves, and still…she is my biggest ally.  My world is infintely better because she is in it.  I love this chick.  She’s good stuff!

Here’s to you Kendra, my gorgeous, loud, funny warrior of a friend.  We have been through so much and have only become stronger for it.  I am honored and blessed every day that you call me your best friend. 

Happy Birthday Kenner.  I lub you.

State of the Union, Stephanie Style.

Well, here we are again, at the end of another year…a time of reflection.  And since I will be uber-busy tomorrow, I won’t have time to think, much less post my thoughts.

 

My thoughts run wild and rampant tonight and there are so many things to say, things I feel and yet, most I keep to myself, as it’s my way.  But there are some I want to share, there are people that I want to recognize, as they have affected my life this year, in ways I never expected.

 

First and foremost, I want to mention I could not, would not, have made it through this year without my faith in the Lord Above.  I have relied on Him and tested Him in ways that would confound even, well, Him; I have floated on my faith and been carried through some truly rough times, I questioned His wisdom occasionally and I fell…but only far enough to learn the lesson and pull myself back up.  I never ONCE felt He left my side.  I could only hope for this kind of blind faith in Him, in SOMETHING for everyone I know.  It’s a peaceful, calming feeling…knowing that I am not alone, even in my darkest times.  Amen!

 

Now…let’s get this party started…

 

To say me and my folks, friends and family alike, have had a roller coaster of a year, is a complete and utter understatement.  It’s been one hell of a ride!

 

Let it also be understood, I am not intentionally leaving you out of my blog for any reason other than well…the mind is a terrible thing to waste and most days, I don’t have the capacity to put two thoughts together logically.  I am POSITIVE I am leaving folks out…

 

Here’s to THAT friend…the one that never lets me forget who I am, and who I can be.  Kenner has been my warrior and my sounding board.  When I have a problem, she is the first person I run to…aside from those inside my four walls…I can’t thank you enough for your never-ending faith, trust, love and honor.  It’s truly in those quiet times that I realize just how much you are a part of my soul.  My best friend…my sister of choice…

 

Here’s to the two that honestly have been handed more lemons than any two people I know and have continuously made lemonade. For Shae and Phyllis…in my lifetime, I have never, NEVER met two people that had a more positive outlook on EVERYTHING.  It’s almost nauseating…

      

For Shae…she has made her own choices and NOT listened to her big sissy…and we ALL know how that NEVER works…yet…when the chips were down, I was the first person she call to be there for her.  And her strength amazes me.  Always amazes me.  Our relationship has changed again this year and I see her as something I have never seen her as.  An adult.  Well done baby sister.  Well done.

 

For Phyllis…my Sweet P…the Grace of God has seen her through the passing of her father and her aunt with an amazing strength.  It has seen her through the toughest part of a relationship and made her more compassionate than I thought one human could be.  He saw her through a horrific car accident that could have taken her from me…and for that, I believe that Phyllis has a higher purpose here.  Phyllis, my life is sweeter because of you.  I am so glad you are here.

 

For the friend from a lifetime ago, Tanner; I don’t think that had we “hung out” in high school we would be where we are today.  And for that, I am so grateful that it took twenty years for our friendship to blossom.  Your laugh brightens my day and you have shown me that new old friends are sometimes the best ones to have.  You showed me just how good a friend you are and you never even knew you did it.    I am forever grateful you are in my corner.  You are golden, Tanner…there aren’t many like you.

 

For my mother…good God…I do not know where to start with this woman…she has knocked on deaths door more times than should be allowed and I have to say…for the first time in at least 9 years…we went a FULL YEAR with no HOSPITAL visit…did you realize that???  I have tested my mom…her patience, her sanity, her temper, time after time after time…and through it all…she reminded me what it’s like to be a mom.  Not the PERFECT mom, by my mom…thank you…I don’t know how else to say it.  Thank. You.

 

My little Lilleebutt…the pride of the clan…you are so much like your Aunt Stephie, it is unreal!!! I will promise to protect you from the dumb boys that will make you cry and to be there when mean mommy grounds you for sneaking out, talking back, missing curfew (I said she was like me!!!).  I will have your mommy’s back, but I remember what a turd she was way back when and I am the one to regale you with these stories.  Never lose that gleam in your eye…that laugh in your smile and that sass in your step…you little one…make my life merrier.

 

Then there’s the fam damily…

 

Oh, the son…the youngest of this clan.  The only testosterone in this House of Estrogen; poor thing.  He is picked on, pushed around, loved and cherished.  Through it all, he loves it.  We all want the best for this little man.  My brave one.  He is my whistler in the morning and my smile at night.  The boy will grow into the man he is terrified to be before I know it and I already mourn the fact that sooner rather than later…he will be my baby boy no more.  My world in infinitely better because of you!

 

Ah…the daughter.  I have raged, cried, boasted and laughed at her, with her and because of her.  She is the whole reason I am a mommy and it hurts my heart to know that she is on the threshold of adulthood and my role in her life, the one that is influx right now, will be changing, permanently so very soon.  She is my touchstone.  My fiercest protector and my biggest fan.  She is gorgeous, loud, brazen and demanding…just who I wish I could be.  You are my breath and reason for living.  You make it better, just with that 1,000 watt smile of yours.  Thank you for allowing me to watch the show…

 

My Whirly Girl…I have never loved another with the ferocity that I love you.  I can’t say it any simpler than that.  You make me brighter, happier and better than I could be without you.  You are what was missing from me.  And with four small words, made all my dreams come true. 

 

Whew…almost done…you still with me?

 

Here’s to the friend of long distance…the one that I crave to get back to.  I will, when the time is right…you have stayed in my life for this long and I have treasured our friendship for as long as I can remember.  You are my support from afar and I feel smarter just knowing you. Thank you for stickin’ around!

 

Here’s to the unnamed, yet never forgotten people.  You have come into or out of my life for a reason.  You have shown me that strength, laughter, the best and the worst.  I wish only that you continue to get everything in life that you deserve and desire.  We will never be far apart and I am merely a phone call away.

 

Here’s to the support for the blog surfers that read what I put out here…You have re-ignited a passion in me that makes me WANT to write more.  It’s inspired a long lost dream. That you read it, comment on it and support me…fuels my ambitions and makes me want to be so much more creative.  Thank you for helping me in ways you may never understand.  It’s an honor to be a part of this “blog-o-sphere family.”

 

Lastly, here’s to me…yes.  me…I have put so many in front of me that I forgot that I can take care of no one if I don’t care for me first.  I have only resolution in the coming year.  It’s not for a smaller waist or lower number on the scale.  It’s not more money or a better job or to even win the lottery…its one simple sentence.

 

I resolve to put me first. 

 

So, so long 2008; you have been quite a year.  You have shown me the best and worst in folks and that I have a faith and a strength that I never knew I could muster. 

 

I wish you well…

 

Hello…2009…buckle up!!!

My soldier, Kendra.

K-

You are strong and courageous.  About to begin a whole new adventure.  I look forward to the journey with you.

You are my lodestar and my best friend.  You are part of my heart and I know that we will forever be friends, maybe Maggie will put us in the same nursing home!!!!  yes?

Everyday will get better.  You will find strength in yourself that will amaze you and the others around you.  I have seen strength in you before and you have suprised me in my lifetime in ways that leave me speechless.  You are crazy, loyal, loving and opinionated.  And I wouldn’t change one single thing about you or the friendship we have blazed through for 13 years. 

We are here for you, just as you would be for any of us.

Have faith Kendra. 

My BFF!!! Kenner!!!

If you have ever read a bulletin or a blog that I have written, you know how much I adore my best friend Kenner. 

Kendra is my guiding star. My soldier.  My confidante and sister by choice.  To say that I love her, doesn’t do my unabiding loyalty to her any justice.  She rocks….

We have been through it….the Apple Pucker incident, the 472 point turn in the Taco Bueno parking lot, the photo shoot with drag queens, etc…..needless to say, she and I get each other….to the extreme. 

Through the years, she has grown from  a no-lane-changing, turkey-cheese-dry-sandwich chick to a woman who will up and move to a different continental shelf and learn GERMAN!!!!  Kendra rocks!Today, this person, sent me this…..

PHOTOS OF THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP SUBMARINE RACE.

 

 

 

Now, to know me is to love me, but damn….this is one of the funniest things I have seen and I have given up the hope of getting any work done this afternoon, Kendra has ruined me for responsibility….

Yup…Kenner rocks!

 

10 years, who’s counting…..

Posted originally on MySpace 

January 20, 2008 – Sunday

10 years, who’s counting…..  I remembered today, at an awkward moment, that 10 years ago tomorrow, my father passed away.  Since I remembered this, it’s flooded my mind all day.  I can vividly remember that Wednesday. What I wore, what was said.  I remember it now, like it was yesterday. I miss my dad.  I mean, really, REALLY miss my dad.  I was a daddy’s girl of the highest order.  I was proud of the fact that people told me I looked like him, that I acted like him.  He was the greatest man I knew and he was my hero. I remember getting to work late.  Being irritated that Dan was calling me and them BAM!  I remember the air being sucked out of the room.  Dan said I needed to call the City of Mesquite, to talk to dispatch…and I needed to do it right then.  Once I gave the police the permission they were looking for to break into his house, I went to find Maria, to find Ed & Darren, to tell them I was leaving.  Something was wrong with my dad.  And I remember Ed catching me as I fell. I found out later that Darren took off looking for Kendra.  That my friends didn’t want me to go alone.  Like we all just knew.  I wouldn’t let Kendra leave, I didn’t want her to get in trouble.  Darren looked at me and told me “Either she goes or I go with you, but you aren’t going alone.”  And then Tim told Kendra to go with me.  Funny, now….I was more worried about getting someone else in trouble. I remember hearing the sirens.  Seeing the ambulance.  I remember telling them to just stop.  And I remember the peace.  Almost like my dad with sitting right there with me.  Telling me “It’s ok baby.  I’m home.” I remember my friend, my truest friend, Kendra….reassuring me, giving me the coat off her back.  Holding my hand and comforting me  I remember being worried about how it was going to affect her, seeing as she had lost her mother and I didn’t want her to have bad memories because of me.  She was there for me and I will never be able to repay the love, support and kindness she showed me.  She is stronger that she knows and I am grateful that she is my friend. I remember how lost my ex, Dan seemed in one moment, and then how protective he was in the next.  He loved my dad and was heartbroken himself.  He was worried about me and the life I was carrying inside me.  He didn’t want me to have stress. I remember my sister.  The sound that came from her simply upon seeing me.  She knew what I knew. By the grace of God, I never had to say the words.  In his death, my father, strengthened me and my sister.  We grew up a little bit more.  We grew a little bit stronger.  We were Tullos women.  He had raised us well. So, 10 years later.  It still hurts, it doesn’t hurt like it did.  But when I think of him, as I do in the twilight, there is a dull ache.  I don’t remember every year quite as vividly as I do this year.  I don’t always recall such detail.  It doesn’t flood over me like it has this year.  I am not sure why, but I am sure there is a reason in there somewhere.   I will see him again.  This I know.  After all, I am daddy’s girl.

Yes, it’s that time of year, again….

As my great friend Sandy is a shining example, I need to give thanks or “yeah, great!s” for my blessings, for the way they shaped the year that was…..10.  My job.  It has been a hard year for me on the job front.  I left Valvoline, which was my home.  My domain, I ROCKED the office.  I ran Vic’s life and he loved me for it.  But there were issues that will remain private.  I prayed about it and made the choice to leave.  I have discovered hell on Earth and it was the job I took upon leaving Valvoline.  I met some wonderful people, but in the process I learned what NOT to do in a job.  Alas, this led me back to Maria, my friend and my mentor.  I called for advice and was offered an opportunity.  I now work for two men who seem to truly care about their employees, I have co-workers that are a joy to work around and bottom line, I am now back where it began, with Maria, showing me the “what for.”  9.  Dan – my ex, the father of my children.  Now most wouldn’t consider their ex a blessing, but everytime I look at my children, I remember that he is a part of them and I wouldn’t trade one moment of my past with him.  He is also his own worst enemy and it brings my children closer to me everyday.  I pray for his peace and his own faith, that he finds both before he loses himself or his place with his children.  I thank God for putting Becki in his life.  It takes the pressure off of me!!!!  I had been praying that the job came through with Halliburton, but I digress….if I can’t have him on another continental shelf, at least there is someone else occupying his time….. 8.  The Mother – oh yes, the mother.  I love her.  God knows that I do.  I truly wish I could live in her bubble.  Even for a moment.  At exactly what age is it acceptable to put them in a home?  hehehehehe!!! 7.  Which brings me to the Sister.  My loving, hard headed, pain in my ass sister.  We have had the roughest year EVER….our battles are almost single handedly the reason this year needs to end.  And I would guarantee after last night, her significant other, Billy, will NEVER tell me to “man up” again.  Even Shae told him that he was insane for this.  Shae will continue to be a good mother to my sweet Lillee and will continue to push against anything I have to say….God love her! 6.  My chosen family….my friends.  I have made some new ones this year and have deepened the bond I have with my existing friends.  Kenner, my soldier, even the miles apart don’t keep us from being close.  And my buddy Sandy, who found me in this MySpace universe and I am so glad she did so.  I miss her face and yes, her hair every day!!!!  She quickly became one of my dearest friends and I love to catch up with her any chance I can!  And Ursula, all the years, from so long ago, she is the coolest, smoothest person I know and I am grateful she considers me her friend.  Urs rocks!!!!  My sweet hearted Phyllis, we have become dearer friends and I am grateful everyday that Leslie introduced us.  And Eva, Tanya, Morgen, Shawn, Karen, S-Lo and Jen…..these people, I am getting to know better each and every time I see them and I am figuring out that these are some good peoples….thank you! 5.  My church.  My home away from home.  My pastor, Colleen, has become one of my dearest, most treasured friends and 1/2 of the couple I am closest to outside of my little nest.  She is the Mrs. to Shelly and I love them dearly.  My church is warm, inviting and full of acceptance and truth.  I love that I am involved with the Putt Putt Invitational and the Prom and am looking forward to more ways in which I can use my talents to serve my Lord and my church. 4.  The Son, well, I must say, having the police called on him was a particular “high” point of the year.  As I have said all along, I always thought it would be Maggie that would bring the heat to the door, alas, it was my little man.  And the police officer scared the living crap out of him….does a mother’s heart well! He is resilient and a survivor.  He is the man of the house and we all love his little heart so much!!!!  He is my little saver (of everything, including lint) and he will give everything as little effort as necessary to get me to take care of it in frustration of how long it takes him….he is learning well…..or should I say he has trained ME well????? 3.  The Daughter, ah the Daughter.  I have never had a bigger protector in my life.  She is my biggest fan and I am her worst enemy.  I believe she is allergic to the dishwasher and household chores in general, however we are working on a cure….We have had several negotiations ranging from her grades to the lack of employment to the lack of a license or vehicle.  We are currently at a Mexican Stand Off regarding said license, car and employment.  I think she needs a job BEFORE license and car.  She thinks she needs the license and car BEFORE the job.  We are currently still in negotiations….. 2.  My whirly girl.  My Leslie.  My love in life.  We fought the fight two and half years ago.  It was worth every moment.  I am so proud to be her partner.  I glow from her love.  I hope everyone at some point in their life feels this pure love, this insane crazy bliss that we live in everyday.  Sure, we have our moments- like Leslie falling in the pool when she was soooo mad at me! - and my family on any given day – but we appreciate what we have.  We love, respect and above all trust each other.  She loves my kids as if they were of her very DNA, and would burn for them with the same intensity that I would.  Let no one hurt her kids, or me….she loves us so!  I don’t want to be a day without her.  1.  My faith.  Oh my!  I could not have made it through this year without my faith in the good Lord above.  At my lowest, at my most afraid, I could talk to Him, I could yell at Him and I could cry.  And then, I would feel His peace wash over me.  My faith is the core of my being.  I try to share it with anyone and everyone who will listen.  Believe me, I am living proof that He does listen, He does give you the signs you need and He will hold you up when you don’t think you can take another step. So there it is in a nutshell, my 2007.  I am hoping my 2008 is even better.  I am starting a new blog (my buddy Urs inspired me) to document my struggles, my observations and what ever else piques my interest, check it out…Inside Her Mind. In closing, I am going to go cuddle up on the couch with the Girl, hopefully we can get the Son off of Guitar Hero and make sure the daughter ends up where she should be at midnight. Happy New Year Ya’ll!!!!!!!