Ho-Ho-Holidays…humpf!

It’s been a while since I blogged and I was suprised that I didn’t find any inspiration to do so for the holiday…but truth be told…I was BUSY!!!

Typically, I make homemade lasagna on Christmas Eve, typically, I am off Christmas Eve and have the time.  Typically, the control freak is a nut at the holidays!!!  With the cooking and the baking and the decorating…I am insane!!! 

This year, I worked on the Eve, for the first time in probably 12 years and I couldn’t figure out HOW to get it all done in one day.  Or 1/2 day, as it would be!!!  I tiptoed around getting store bought and just heating it up…that met with almost certain death and I ended up making homemade so the children wouldn’t commit me before my time. 

I knew I was working, the smart thing to do was to make it ahead of schedule and then warm it that evening.  But since when have I done the “smart” thing….noooooo….I even waited to grocery shop until THAT DAY to get my necessities for the Christmas Eve meal as well as Christmas Day supper…yup…

Procrastination, thy name is Stephie…and she is thriving in Texas!!!

So. Dinner is prepared, however, I am not and I have Christmas Services to go to.  The son has been at the grandmothers house for four days and I will see him at church that evening.  Whirly tells me I should take his Christmas sweater with me, so he will look nice…guess what I forget to grab on the way out…you betcha…the sweater! 

So the son does his acolyte duties wearing a t-shirt with a skull & bones on it….standing next to our minister.  The photos speak for themselves. I am, to this moment, suprised the roof didn’t cave in on me…

Christmas Day was splendid.   I have been in a strange, awkward place with the holiday season, it just didn’t feel like a Christmas this year.   Truth be told, the stress from the financial state of the union was wearing a bit on all of us.  Not just me, but my family, my friends, my co-workers, all of us.  I didn’t purchase a single gift for anyone that wasn’t genetically or romantically linked to me this year and the sentiment was reciprocated.   And it was ABSOLUTELY ok. 

We got the daughter tickets to a Lil’ Wayne concert and the son an XBox 360.   Both I got a great deal on, simply because I knew someone who knew someone…I got lucky.  After that, the gifts were smaller, more heartfelt.

The mother, we got her a snowglobe to start her a new collection.  Her previous collection has “disappeared” and she has been distraught about it.  I have my own collection and have gotten a new snowglobe every year for as long as I can remember.  They are all shapes and sizes.  Some more expensive than others, all mean something to me!  So, we got the mother started again…

The sister’s gift was the hardest one.  It meant diving into my fathers things for the first time in 10 years.  It took me three weeks to get the strength to do so.   The box sat in my living room staring at me, saying “It’s getting closer, deal with it!”

My father was an artist.  A good one.  He drew a cartoon called Rank & File and was very proud of it.  And it’s truly funny stuff.  So….I decided to take one of these original cartoon cells and have it framed for the sister.  So I was gonna have to look through his personal effects and find the best one.  I got a gift in the process….

I found love letters.  His love letters to and from my step-mother, who I believe was the greatest love of his life. 

My mom was the first love, the mother of his children.  I take nothing away from that, but the step mother, was his passion.  Until his dying day….she was his lasting love. 

So I have these letters, there’s only a few, but it was very much my own Christmas present, from my daddy.

We had a rocky moment or two, at the hands of the Respondent.  We got through them and by the end of the day, we had a house full of folks.  When I say full….I mean, bursting at the seams!!!  There were twelve teenagers, two children and eight adults…at one time…full, full, full…and I LOVED IT!!!!  I got to spend the first Christmas in a long time with my extended family and that was a gift in itself.

We have found a new use for a shoehorn…you know…those black plastic scoop looking things…well, you can use them for scooping hors d’oeuvres off of a serving dish.  It also provides uproarious laughter from those sitting at the table that know better…my sides were hurting by the time I was done laughing!!!

We have rounded out the holiday weekend with a day of bowling…and me getting my ass handed to me by my son, which is a humbling experience.  I knew I was a terrible bowler, but I knew I loved bowling…we had a grand time.  Just us…the four of us…laughing at ourselves and each other.

Did we spend too much on Christmas?  of course, everyone alsways does, but not as much as we have in the past.  Did we have fun doing so?  Much more so than anticipated. 

We spent the days together, enjoying and loving each other and the time we had together.  It meant so much more than any other gift we could have given each other.

Hope your holiday was as merry as mine was…

Only in Texas…

It’s effin’ cold here…

Well, cold is a relative thing, isn’t it?  I mean, it’s not like NORTH POLE cold, but for Texas, I am freezing my proverbial ass off.  And that’s aLOT of ass folks…

I mean, there ARE four seasons in Texas….Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Winter.  Yup…the leaves are green, then in hours, they turn brown and fall. 

[Stephie snaps fingers] Just.like.that.

Yesterday…we turned the heat off.  The heat that we barely had turned on in the first place.  We keep the casa at a balmy 68-70*.  It’s comfortable and with cooking and sunshine, it stays around 73*-ish.  If we get chilled, we bump it…but not often…

ANYWAY…we turned the heat down because it was downright humid and dare I say, warm.

Warm enough, that the son and I went ’round and round about pants versus shorts today…the shorts won, because I walked outside, decided it wasn’t going to get cold, so the boy wore shorts…it probably would have benefitted me to have watched the news this morning, but I digress…

It’s now 34* and there is sleet and snow…three days ago, I was in shorts and a tank top…

Now, I get that Whirly’s family is 6 feet deep in the white stuff in Michigan, but I am in Texas…it dropped 30 degrees today…

I love Texas.  I really, really do. 

it’s effin’ cold…

now it wouldn’t be the holidays without it…

You know, for me, this holiday season is bittersweet.  It’s become so over the past several years…

oh…who am I kidding, with my family, any time there is any sort of birthday/holiday/special occasion…I break out in hives.

See…I am one of the remaining three women in my immediate family.  One of three.  Women.  Three, hormonal, controlling women.  You betcha…holidays suck…

see they suck, because the three of us canNOT act right around each other.  And we blame it on everyone else.  It’s never my fault, her fault or the other’s fault…it’s collectively everyone else’s fault.

This sound kind of like a Meg Ryan movie, yes?  well, it’s not…and from a person living inside it…it sucks.

I am the oldest daughter.  And with that came the responsibility of “handling” the little sister.  Always.  I have over the years, loved it, hated it, resented it and been proud of it. 

I grew up in a home where I was taught unconditional love, honor and respect.  I also was taught…I am going to give you ALL of those things first…then when you abuse it and damage it, you have to earn it back. 

I still live my life by these rules…treat others as you wish to be treated.  If it’s with unconditional love, honor and respect, you will receive it.  You screw it up…you have to earn it…the same way I would expect to as well.

Trust is a whole ‘nother ball of wax…I don’t trust anyone.  But that’s another blog and several psychiatric visits down the road…

I am the eldest daughter, with that comes the responsibility of seeing to it that the mothers needs were met when she was hospitalized for SEVEN years (well 80% of seven years…no shit!) it meant long days and long weekends.  There were times I was so exhausted, I just wanted to stay home, but my eldest daughter guilt would kick in…I didn’t want her to not have a visitior every day.  Those nurses knew me BY SIGHT and BY NAME!!! 

I am the eldest daughter, with that came the responsibility of handling my father’s estate when he died with no will.  I had to hold it together while my sister, my mother, the ex-girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend’s daughter wept and moaned over their loss.  I had to told it together to go pick plots and figure out life insurance while the rest picked his clothes and songs.

I am the eldest daughter, which means that for some insane reason, I was dealt the control freak card early in life.  And I have never let go of it.  I don’t have to.  It fits, I am comfortable being a control freak and I own it.  If I let go of it, I am a neurotic mess and I find I function less.  So here I am…Captain Control Freak.  whoo.hoo.

So, we get to the birthdays/holidays/any day ending in the letter “Y”, and we have the Three Women…we don’t get along anymore.  Yet we continue to bash each other over the heads with our righteous indignation.

See….we let other people come between us.  We let other people change us.  None of take the blame and none of us see what we seem to be doing to all of those around us.  But its not any of OUR faults.  We are all blameless.

How can all of us be blameless and have such a hard time with each other?

I have met passive agressive people in my lifetime, but I was born of Queen P.A…not that I do not love my mother, she is the whole reason I am here.  If not for her, I too, would not be a mother.  She is also the only living parent I have left, the only grandparent my children have.   She is her own worst enemy and my loyalest fan.  

I am not too grown that I do not crave my mothers hugs when I am hurting.  No one can soothe me the way my mommy can.  When I am sick…I want my mommy…

This does not mean that she doesn’t do stuff that drives me up a wall. I mean, how many times do I have to tell someone to quit spoiling the son?  Or to quit with the sodas?  yes….momster is passive agressive…she will get her way… but at what expense?  momster loves her some drama…damn!  she loves to create it, loves to talk about it, loves to watch it. 

Unfortunately, it’s mostly done with the sister, and it is usually somehow, way, shape or form, involving me or mine.  I still have yet to grasp this concept.

Ahhhh….the sister.  The youngest of the original tribe.  The one who stands shortest and yells loudest.  Always has.  My sister is the consumate attention hog.  She loves to be the center of attention.  The one everyone is ALWAYS talking about.  And she gets real pissed when someone else gets that limelight.  But she will deny this.  To.the.ground.

My sister, my baby sister.  My first friend, my running buddy.  She was cute…blonde curls, big blue eyes…and four front teeth that could bite through steel.  She has loved attention since she learned that my father would shower it upon her and only her for as long as she would allow him to. 

My parents loved me different.  They loved my sister out loud.  They loved me quietly.  And it worked.

We were the best of friends and she was my iron butterfly for a season years ago. She picked me up and took care of me in a way that I will be grateful for forever.  She was my strongest warrior for that time, and I will always thank her and love her for it….but we have taken different paths, our lives have changed and we are no longer the allies we once were.  More times than not…we fight over the silliest words (this blog is gonna push her over the edge!) and say things that can be forgiven with love, but never forgotten. 

We have let people come between the one thing they never should have and neither of us want to take the blame for it.  And it’s both our faults.   It breaks me.  My iron butterfly…

So we get here, thirty plus years and many tears and peals of laughter later…and it’s down to Three Women. 

I am worn out.  I am a happy well balanced woman.  I am probably a bit too judgemental and I am definitely controlling…but the mother and the sister, whew!  they wear me out!!!

We have a pattern, around any holiday or birthday;   me, the mother and the sister will break out into some sort of fight about something.  who knows what it will be…but it will get big and ugly…

this year, it was around a birthday, Thanksgiving, and now…it’s looking as if it’s gonna be arond Christmas too.   Why am I doing this again?  oh…family!!!  That’s right

Family…that’s a double edged sword.  I have my kids and Whirly.  They are my family.  My sister has my niece (best one in the world!) and her other half  and they are a family.  We are my mothers family.  That’s it…

We throw around how much family means to each other, and then we treat each other like this???  If this is what every family does, then I am sticking with my crew and my friends…they are nicer to me…I am nicer to them…what does that sayabout family?

The mother and sister are fighting again.  I am not real clear on what it is about this time.  It could be hemmed jean or the fact that the mother doesn’t like the sister’s boyfriend.  It could be the fact that the mother doesn’t hide her contempt of said boyfriend or that the sister isn’t hearing what anyone has to say.

I say it to both of them….leave me out of it…yes mother, he’s an asshole.  But then again, so are you…you knew it would upset her and you did it anyways. 

Yes sister, you were looking for a fight when you got there, I agree she didn’t have to say it, you already know it…you also know you aren’t going to change her so fighting about isn’t going to get you anywhere.

Both of you make it really hard for me to want to be around either of you…I love you so much, but you are not nice people.  None of us are.  We are humans and it is in our nature to hurt the ones we love.

Who wants to take the bet that I have opened a can of worms?  Or the bet that someone will threaten to NOT be there at Christmas???  Line forms to the left.

As for me….I am one of Three Women…only the three of us…I’ll be by the tree waiting for you both…

My theme song, one asks….

A few weeks ago, I posted a blog about hearing Peaches & Herb’s “Shake Your Groove Thing” twice in one drive to work.

No joke…I have heard it at least once per day SINCE then…methinks I have a theme song.

Methinks it’s a sign…Get Thy Ass Up!!!  Shut Up!!!!  And Shake It!!!

So…I am gonna shake my bad attitude (cause it’s allll over me right now)

…shake the bad thoughts about the human race (It IS the holidays!)

…shake the resentment I have to individuals at my office (I am LUCKY to have a job and to be good at it!)

…shake loss of the pissed off lack of control I have over everyone.  (I’m simply too tired to be in control!)

…shake my booty to the music (so so SICK of Christmas Music in November!!!)

…shake things up, so I can get INTO the Christmas Spirit and act like I am supposed to!

 

Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ‘em how we do it now
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ‘em how we do it now

The actions of a few…

My disappointment in the human race knows no bounds…

 

I had heard Whirly speaking about the employee at a Wal Mart getting trampled, and in my delirium, due to my nasty cold, I simply thought “oh, he’s ok.  These people are nuts!”

 

So I have spent the past 30 hours in a bed, alternately sitting and lying down…praying that the Snot Gods show some mercy upon me and watching absolutely nothing I can recall on television, which explains why I am in a fog.  No news has penetrated my brain in two days…

 

Only in reading I’m Not Benny’s blog this evening, did I realize that SOMEONE DIED!!!!  So I went to the net…shock and horror hit me in a wave.  And I became sad, and angry, and really, really scared…

 

Seriously folks….

 

Was the Playstation III worth a man’s life?

 

Was the Easy Bake Oven worth trampling someone?

 

Did you feel justified in your purchases walking on someone’s back???

 

Did you even know you had done so?

 

Yes, it has really, REALLY happened….we, the human race, as a collective, have stepped OVER THE LINE…

 

Read this…

 

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/nassau/ny-limart1129,0,167903.story

 

or this…

 

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2008/11/28/2008-11-28_worker_dies_at_long_island_walmart_after.html

 

I am so sad and angry and shocked by the behavior of some…

 

They STEPPED on the rescue workers trying to help him, they KNOCKED a pregnant woman over, and they pulled the doors OFF THE HINGES!!!! 

 

And to watch the video, as they are wheeling him out, there are folks walking out with their “smart” purchases!!!  Are they clever!!!!

 

Are these PEOPLE or ANIMALS???

 

Retailers, ever so greedy, open earlier and earlier, with bigger and better bargains each year…how much of a bargain was THIS year? 

 

Someone on a board of directors or a CEO needs to stand up, say “Stop!!!” and not think about the dollar…alas, I am going to exhale, as that will NEVER happen!!! 

 

These people who run these companies are RULED by MONEY…

 

I personally have participated in the “Black Friday” sales TWICE in my lifetime…and that was enough!  It was 15 years ago and they were crazy then!!!!  

 

Where has common courtesy and human decency gone?  What are we doing to each other as a society???

 

We have so lost perspective on the holidays, it’s so sad. 

 

We are teaching our children that it is about how much you GET, how much stuff you can ACQUIRE, not that it’s a time for reflection and tradition. 

 

It should be about family and friends, love and faith.  WHATEVER, WHICHEVER way you choose to celebrate this season, I don’t think it should EVER be about how many presents you can open in 10 minutes flat. 

 

Folks, we need to snap out of it…ever hear of Sodom?  Gomorrah?  No???  Pick the book up folks….He’s not going to take too much…

 

When did manners and good behavior become exempt during Red Tag Sales?

 

Nope, I think I am skipping the mall this year…we are gonna keep it small, keep it about tradition, keep it about family…

 

I will stay on my feet.

On the eve of all I am grateful for…

It’s has been a turd turning week for me…yeah…that bad…and I can’t actually fathom WHAT turd turning is, but I bet it can’t be good…or hygenic.

I digress….

It’s been a week of Mondays.  Truly.  I think I have lived Groundhog Day for the past three days.  I am now grateful that the NyQuil is gripping me and I will soon be comatose in bed, with a vaporizer on next to me and a cold rag on my forehead.

Where in the hell did this cold come from and why did I have to wake up the day before I am to cook for now upwards of 20 people with a head full of snot and swollen eyes????  It makes for an unattractive and unfriendly Stephanie. 

I love Thanksgiving.  It’s about friends and family without the pressure of presents…plus, it’s turkey, my Mamaw’s dressing (which I rock at making!) and pie, pie, pie…then a scratch, a nap and then leftovers and football.

Yet, I can’t smell anything…my nose won’t quit running and I am trying to figure out how to shove Kleenex in my nose in such a way, that it’s not noticeable in pictures.  It’s not working out well right now.

So….I have been remarkably, UNBELIEVABLY busy at work this week.  I don’t get it…well, I do…as soon as I think I have a handle on it, I make the stupid decision to say, OUT LOUD, “Wow!  Look at us…we are getting organized and caught up!”  Then the paper faeries deliver LOADS of paper while I am home, resting, dreaming of the organization that is waiting for me in my office.  I am such a sucker!!!!

So…the job…where to start.  I really need some part time help.  I keep telling my boss.  He keeps telling me “Find the money in the Mgmt Co., we will hire them.”  See…as AP Manager, it’s my job to watch the expenses, only I DON’T have TIME to do this, as I am keying invoices like a ballerina on crack or using my EXTENSIVE AP experience (20+ years) to STUFF CHECKS IN ENVELOPES!!!! 

So, we have taken the small menial things off my job description, the things that take 20 minutes TOPS during a week and actually break up the monotony…give them to an “assistant” to justify their salary and then keep me doing nothing more than data entry.  So in this week….as I am sick and cranky…it’s kinda sucking…it doesn’t always and I like who I work with…I just WANT SOME HELP!!!  I can’t do my job effectively unless you get me the help and free up some time!!!! grrrr….colds make me supercranky…that and stuffing checks all damn day….

SO…in this week….I have eaten partially cooked chicken, which is NEVER a good idea….I have constantly left the cell phone in the car or at home, neither of which help me when it rings during the day…I got jammed up in the parking garage when I dropped my parking card and had to perform acrobatics to pick it up while the gentleman in the car behind me HONKED AT ME!!!!  dick…I have closed my seatbelt in the door no less than 4 times in three days…and I have watched Back to the Future and Nine Months two times each in the past 36 hours…

I have silver to polish, gingerbread cookies to make, dressing to cook…and I hope to God the turkey is thawed out in time!!!!

In less than 18 hours, I will have family and friends that I dearly love, joining me to raise our voices in prayer, thankful that we are all together and remembering the ones we miss…

Be grateful for all that you have, all that you love, all that you have learned. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

It’s THAT time of year…

ah, the holidays…

the joy, the merriment, the lights, the colors, the weather, the sweaters,  the carols…

the debt, the colds, the pressure of the PERFECT gift, the weather…

the radio DJ’s telethons….

now, I know I am bitter, pissy, cynical person.  But this shit pulls at my heart.  And on TOP of watching the Passion of the Christ tonight (which hurts me in ways I cannot explain quickly) I have guilt upon guilt that makes me come to detest the commercialism of this season.

It starts BEFORE Halloween.  See…Whirly works for one of THE Big Retailers.  So she begins in October, coming home, complaining about building the Christmas displays.  URGH!  We don’t even have candy or a pumpkin yet.  And I am hearing about Christmas. Double URGH!!!

It’s JUST NOW the beginning of November, Thanksgiving is 10 days away and there are Christmas carols on the radio.  All Christmas carols, all the time.  I am not ready.

There are already Chistmas lights on houses.  Folks…please…it’s not even Thanksgiving….let’s wait, shall we…just 11 more days…c’mon.

And then they start with the Families That Are Worse Off Than Me spots.  You know…the single parent that can’t make ends meet, they aren’t going to have a tree, the child/parent/family pet needs a heart/liver/kidney transplant and all they want is a doll/bike/chew toy for what could be their last Christmas.  oh…settle down…I am leading up to something…

see…this time of year, makes me remember that I am alive, I am healthy and I am surrounded by people I love, respect, honor and adore.  I have an unshakable faith.  I have good friends and family.  I have food in my pantry, my heat/electric/power turned on.  I have a job with benefits and a 401K if I could afford to contribute to it. 

I could be soooo much worse off. 

These families that have less than me, keep going,  not knowing what tomorrow holds, but keeping the faith that it holds promise.

I feel like a steaming turd.  Yeah.  THAT bad.

I am one of the hardasses…I turn the station.  I pop in a CD.  I force it from my mind. 

Is it wrong, to feel guilty yet, to be honest, a bit pissed off.  I know I have more, I know that I am grateful for all that I have, but damnit…I hear it, I want to open my wallet/home/vein to give more than I can.

I stress that we are drowning in the I WANTS of the season.  Not the REASON for the season…whatever you may believe.  I guarantee the meaning is NOT Malibu Barbie or Grand Theft Auto Vol. #412. 

There is a faith that carries people through this season and it kinda gets under my skin that these DJ’s manipulate the public with these pleas for help.    It’s not about that….I bet if ol’ 50 year-old-wanna-be-25-again and his shrewish Red Headed sidekick would donate 1/2 their salary for a year…it would help feed a family or two…but please, during my drive time to work…when I am made up and needing to focus on KEEPING my job…don’t play these heart-wrenching stories to work me up before my 9:00 AM staff meeting. 

How ’bout these big CEO’s giving some of their IGNORANT SALARIES, BONUSES, RETIREMENTS to save the companies that their paychecks and private jets are breaking?  How ’bout giving some of theirs to the employees that they are fixing to lay off, so they can make their numbers and get that bonus.  Think of those you are pink slipping when you lay your fat head down on a pillow after your sumptious turkey dinner.  Hope that goes down easy.

I wanna know how these CEO’s sleep at night.  I wanna know how they can look in a mirror in the morning and think “It’s a good day to screw the little man over.  Again!!!”

‘Preciate it!

I would love to do more for any one family.  But I don’t need to feel the guilt that I can’t contribute to anyone else because I can barely manage my own.  ON MY OWN….

So, please Mr. Phone Solicitor…don’t call me, begging me for money.  I give from each paycheck to the charity of my choice.  I will help my local food bank, I will donate coats, socks and shoes to the homeless.  I will go get mountains of blankets and go with my church to the streets to pass them out.  Wanna know how I know…’cause it’s what I do, year after year, after year…

But I will do so on my terms, guilt-free, faith filled and for the RIGHT reasons.  Because my liberal heart will be there to help those who NEED it. 

Mr. DJ can take care of the rest…

On this 11th day, of the 11th month…

On this 11th day, of the 11th month…

in my most humble places….I thank you You have protected me, fought for me and never have you known my name. Thank you for all you have done. Thank you for all you will do. And a special thanks to my Whirly Girl…you protected me then in the Gulf War and you continue to protect me now….I love you!!!

It’s Only a Baby Ruth, right?

(I initially posted on MySpace in July and get so many funny comments, I thought I would move it over.  Enjoy!)

 

Well….it finally happened….

Went to the Lillee Butt’s 5th birthday party….my oh my…

Can I tell you that I think the surface of the sun isn’t any hotter than the cement at Vanston Pool?  Yieeeee!!!

I haven’t been to Mesquite in quite a while.  I go for one reason and one reason only….my sister lives there.  See, I don’t have the BEST memories of the END of my days in Mesquite and truth be told….I cannot help but think about my dad when I drive into Mesquite.  He floods my mind.

So, anyway, the Vanston Pool is actually VERY nice. 

Party was in full swing.  Note to Shae:  NEVER INVITE THAT MANY KIDS AGAIN!!!!

I have nothing but the utmost respect for my sister and her parenting abilities….but there were SEVERAL children there that needed a really good smack!  Or at least a hard thump!

They were all over the place, not listening to anyone and that makes me very cranky!!!  And with no beer….or tequila….I get crankier.  But not as cranky as the sister, who I swear to God;

I thought was melting away…

So, we do the cake, the ice cream…..the presents….and then everyone goes back in the water.

da dum….da dum…da dum…dadumdadumdadumdadum……

we smell it….then we hear this announcement:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we ask that you exit the pool, there has been an incident and we must take a mandatory 2 hour break to filter, shock and clean the pool.  Since there is only 1 1/2 hours left for us to be open, we will be closing at this time.  Thank you for your understanding.”

Yup….some kid crapped in the pool…..

oh but it gets better…..’nother kid puked on the slide.  ewwww!!!

try explaining to about 100 kids under the age of 10 that they can’t swim in the toilet anymore today….I haven’t hear wails of pain like that since I took Maggie’s celly away for bad grades.

And Lillee wanted to know WHO WAS IT!!!! 

 

alas, certain citizens of Mesquite NEVER let me down…..they were screamming for refunds!  This wasn’t fair!  Where were they supposed to go!

Folks, you go home.  You shower REALLY well and feed the kids.  Hell, let ‘em run through the sprinkler…..

I have now seen, in person, the Caddy Day pool scene from Caddyshack.  All these lifeguards standing around, looking into the pool, playing Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who goes in…..the rookie lost.

Yeah, lifeguarding is a cool job to have, you get to sit around in a bathing suit, blow a whistle and look at hotties in bathing suits…..

Yes, it’s all fun and games, until someone shits in the pool…..

And people wonder why I find amusement in the human race…

I am more than my vote…

Wow…where has the year gone?  I mean seriously….it’s OCTOBER….10 weeks from Christmas!!!  Yes…10!!!

soooo…buckle up, here’s a big mess of stream of consciousness for ya! 

I have been a really busy girl lately and when not busy, I have been in a deep dark hole of irritation that borders on homicidal.  Not really, but a girl can dream, right?

It was a pretty fan-fucking-tastic summer, I will say…I have connected with some really great people and have seen the dark side of others.  Alas, as some friendships have strengthened, others have faltered.  It’s the way of life and as such, it sucks.

I really want to tell folks to get a clue.  That your actions truly do affect others and by not acknowledging them, it doesn’t make them go away, it just pisses me off.  To the point, that I won’t be where you are.  Childish?  Probably…but I feel self-righteous in my indignation, so I will stew in it.  Trust me, I can hold on to a grudge like no other….ask the sister….

I have gotten out of the drama business.  I have removed myself and have two people I discuss it with, the Whirly Girl, only because, well, she sleeps with me, and then a new (old) friend that knows the who and the what going on and we only discuss it with each other.  And it’s not very often, but just enough to keep our head above water.  No use both of us being blindsided…

Then we get to the big wide world…

I have always prided myself on being a knowledgeable person, meaning, I do know what the hell is going on around me.  I may not understand the full extent of it, nor do I want to, but I do get it.  I promise.

This election is coming down to being one of the ugliest in recent history.  And by ugly, the definition I am using, is my own:  I have friends on both sides….Conservatives and Liberals.  It’s my “Bi” nature I guess.  I love them all dearly and do not for a moment let their politics color or change my opinion of these people.  I love them.  They need to know that….

I will say this one.last.time….I am going to vote my conscience.  Not yours, mine.  I appreciate all that you have to say.  Understand, the more you go at me about how McCain is the answer or Obama is our only hope, I am going to dig my heels in. 

What I find offensive are the personal attacks.  What I find offensive is we, as a society, have fed this.  We have allowed the media whores to feed us this bullshit with sugar on it and tell us that it’s what matters.  Folks, for me, it’s health care, Social Security, care for our elderly, our homeless, our vets (who are fighting an un-winnable war, thankyouverymuch).   We truly need to take care of OURSELVES….

Enough….blech….it makes me grumpy…I am exhausted with grumpy…

So…back to my busy month…year….day….whatever…

I have been a PTA mom, a homecoming mum designer, a banker, a hostage negotiator, a therapist and a maid, sometimes all in one day…it’s now down to this…

mommy is tir-red.  mommy is sick.  mommy is probably coming down with strep throat….again….

Went to the doctor with the daughter the other day, jumped on a scale and voila!  Mommy has gained 12 pounds…BUUUUULLLLshit….you read it right…12 fat pounds…

I have been so busy taking care of everyone else, that I have neglected the one person I should take care of first, ME!!!  I can’t do anything for anyone else if I am nosedeep in Vicks Vapor-Rub and Zithromyician.  Damnit…I hate being sick.

And I don’t have time for it.  I have apples to dip in caramel for carnival tomorrow.  I have towels to fold, I have dinners to prepare….a mechanical bull to ride…I can’t be sick…but I am.

The daughter is learning really hard money lessons right now.  Like when she overdrafts her account $150+, and her pay check is $175, she’s not going to be able to get the really expensive jeans she wants….and by really expensive, she wants True Religion jeans, which roll in at $150 to start….

This is what gets me about her, she has expensive tastes…really expensive.  And for Christmas, she’ll ask for these really expensive presents knowing full well that mommy can’t do that.  Not with living on the world’s tighest budget (down to the last DIME!!!) and there are two other children (the son and the niece) that deserve presents.  But it always sets me up for failure, for letting her down, AGAIN.  I don’t understand this and it has become part of some of the nastiest loudest fights we have ever had.  I want to give her the world, but she needs a reality check that I fear she won’t get until she is on her own. 

We just got through Homecoming with her and can I brag for just a moment…my daughter is GORGEOUS!!!  not because I am biased and her mommy….but damn…she is a beautiful woman.  I am amazed that she is of me simply because as much as she infuriates me, she blows me away.  She is smart, when she chooses to be, she’s athletic, she’s popular and damnit….she is FUNNY!!!  My daughter is what I wished I was in high school.  She’s “That” girl…the one that everyone knows and likes.  She was nominated as a Junior Favorite last year and they are betting she will be nominated a Senior Favorite this year.  Yep…you don’t get much better than her…

The son is dealing with a whole ‘nother set of issues.  The dad.  The douchebag of a father that he has.  Or as I call him, the Useless Sack of Skin aka The Sperm Donor aka The Respondent.  He is non-existent unless I call him to MAKE him come get his son.  He doesn’t call, well, I take that back…he called drunk the other night and got into a fight with his daughter…niiiice….ANYHOO….the son idolizes his dad.  And I am ok with that, because I know that he needs that…but I want to tell him how his dad really is.  How his dad won’t be at his games, that his dad won’t call, that he is selfish and can’t be bothered with anyone else.  But I don’t.  I say positive things.  blech….the dad is a dick.  I have never hated anyone in my life, and God forgive me, there are days I STRONGLY dislike him more than others…

ANYHOO….the son is basketballing again and it feels good to see him back into sports.  We were worried about his grades and he is a strong “B” Honor Roll student.  He is working to overcome is learning disability and I am so proud of him.  It takes more some days than others, but he’s maturing into a strong young man and that unnerves me a bit.

It’s my favorite time of the year…fall…it’s special to me and the Whirly Girl.  Our anniversary is the beginning of October and the crispness of the air, the cooler nights, the sweaters…all signals that we have made it through another one.  Together.  I love her, with all that I can.  All that I am.  She makes me brighter and better, just for knowing her.

My life is blessed.  I have a faith that is unshakable and tanamount to my character.  I share it with all those that I can.  I depend on it and it sees me through many situations.  I have a great relationship with my family and my friends and it’s deepened by my desire for each of them to have peace and joy.  Some days it’s better than others, but that faith is always there.

I think it’s time to go wrap some apples… the mind is drawing blank and the throat is scratchy…tomorrow is the carnival, the halloween costume and candy shopping…the baking…

Next month…I gotta figure out how to seat everyone and who eats white meat vs. dark meat…I love Thanksgiving…

Then…well…you know…Christmas…holy moly…Christmas…!

Lordy…this year has gone by fast!!!