As previously reported, the Daughter is craftily wooing me into getting her a drivers license soon.  Yes, I know she is 17 and most children have them by the time they are 16….but she is not most children and I definitely not most mommys.

It all harkens back memories of my trials and tribulations behind the wheel or riding shot-gun…..oh the memories….

See, my sister, God love her, TOTALLED two cars in TWO weeks.  PRIOR TO HAVING said drivers license.  This follows me….I actually got 5 tickets at one time BEFORE I had MY license and in the next 4 years, racked up somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 tickets.  I am ticket free *knocks wood* for the past twelve years and currently know better….

I remember the phone call I got when the sister wrecked MY car.  (History note:  when I moved out, I left my car.  Dad handed keys to my 14 year old sister.  I personally think he thought it was HOUSE keys)  I was sitting with my boyfriend and mom calls, “Shae had an accident at so-and-so’s house (mom wasn’t big on names)….get to her before your father does.  He lives over by the school.” 

So, here we go…..on a quest to find the sister prior to the father.   There were ONLY 15 elementary schools, 12 middle schools and 4 high schools in my hometown….and the social butterfly that the sister was…..she knew someone at every damn school!  We figured out which friend, which school and which house, bascially through one tadbit of information, well two….

#1….Mom said, “she has Ricky” with her.  The hot, blonde surfer looking guy that I still think was/is gay.

#2….we saw my dad leaving the scene of the crime. 

Impressed?

Well, we were, once we got there and saw that the sister had pulled out into traffic without looking to see if anyone was behind her, they were, the hit her.  Ambulances, neck braces….no license means no insurance…..ta-da…..

Wreck #2…..I want to say that it wasn’t truly the sister’s fault, but my memories are a bit fuzzy on this one.  I know it involved right of way at an intersection, finger pointing, again, no license and no insurance…..I also believe my sister got into a yelling match with this potential law-suit plaintiff…..God bless her soul.

The sister hasn’t had a lot of luck with the automobile department.  She has had her share, my share, their share of accidents…..then there is me……

One of my friends in high school got a spiffy little toy truck, baby blue….for her 16th….and we took it out, spun out, and hit a car ON THE FIRST DAY!!!!  What did she do?  She took the eff off…..leaving the scene of the crime….did I mention my dad worked for the City?  So when the witnesses WROTE DOWN THE LICENSE PLATE….went to her dad, which filtered through City Hall (damn small towns) my dad figured out I was with her…..tada….

I cannot even begin to count the number of accidents we were in in that little blue truck and if you ask any of the rest of the high school crew…..we ALL had accidents in that vehicle.  I cannot imagine what her dads insurance costs were like PER MONTH!!!!

I have been in many accidents with many friends…..Shawna and I got in one on the way to the beer store (oh, we were sixteen) and had to explain to her parents what had happened….but until last year, I had never been personally involved in anything more than a “fender bender.”  I still don’t know how we got out of that one.

Urs & I bent the license plate on her dad’s Blazer when we “stole” it one evening and drove.around.the.neighborhood.  We were too afraind to cross Barnes Bridge (we were 14!!!) and just thought we were cool cruising the ‘hood.  We thought we were so careful….no.so.fast.

I have been hit from behind twice.  Once on the highway and then my favorite, once on my 28th birthday, by a police officer. 

She was running my plates at a light.  As I watched through the rearview mirror, she crept slowly forward until *bump* she lightly tapped my bumper.  Her head flew up like it was on a hinge.  Her mouth formed that whole “oh crap!  this is paperwork I didn’t need!” and she hit her lights….we pulled through the intersection, she came to my window and asked if I was ok, I told her yes, tried to hand her my license and insurance (still not knowing why, but I am trained like that!) and she said she was so sorry, please step out and look at any damage….there wasn’t any…..she asked if I wanted to file a report (?) and laughed and thanked me when I said “Mercy no!  no harm, no foul…now go catch a bad guy!” 

“The” accident happens to be one of the most ironic moments of my life.   It’s also the biggest example/hurdle/cross to bear that I have used against the daughter in NOT getting her a driver’s license.

Last summer….I was about 30 days into a new job, when on my way home one evening, I see a big white shiny new Jeep next to me…..I see said Jeep decide to turn left instead of right onto the Tollroad and to travel from one side of the road across three lanes of traffic to the other.

Only problem?  me…..in the middle lane.  Apparently, I was in her blind spot.  Blind spot being THE MIDDLE LANE!!!!!!!!!!

So she smacks me, HARD.  All the way down the passenger side of my car.  My poor, pretty car.

We pull over and I get out….she is sitting behind the wheel and sobbing.  When she looks up, she doesn’t have a wrinkle or gray hair one…..she looks like she is TWELVE!!!

Well, here comes irony, right in your face…..she is a 16 year old driver, named MARGARET!!!! 

Being as my Margaret was also 16….this began sucking her my Margaret big time…..

So the mother of the hitter shows up….it’s her third accident, she’s had her license 45 days, it’s her uncle’s brand new car.   Her two older brothers (17 and 19) have each had three accidents within the past 90 days…..this family needs to invest in bicycles and bubblewrap.

It was a nightmare to get the automobile fixed…..truly.  But I did.  But not without a cost…..

The daughter is now 17…..I have yet to get her a license…..I am terrified to do so…..

When we moved we had to have her help drive.  It was through a neighborhood and I was behind her with the Whirly Girl in the gigantic UHaul in front of her, there wasn’t anywhere she could run…..so we get to new house, the daughter pulls the Honda in, has to back out to straighten up and hits.the.gate.  I don’t think we had even stepped foot in the new house yet.  

The daughter went to move one of her friends cars one morning as the teenagers blocked my car in the driveway and the daughter almost hit the SAME fence with a different vehicle.

It would be so helpful for her TO drive, but at the same time, I can’t get her to pick up her wet bathing suit/towel/anything in her room off the floor…..how can I expect her to be constantly aware of other drivers when I can’t get her to be aware of her land locked surroundings? 

I can’t imagine affording the insurance for the tickets, the accidents, the defensive driving, etc.  that will be hoisted upon me when she does begin driving.

And the empty promises of “I PROMISE I will be a good driver, better than all my friends!”  “I PROMISE to take care of my car and insurance and gas.”  Well, I have heard these lines before, except they sounded like:

“I PROMISE to take care of cat/dog/hamster/baby brother if you get me one.” 

“I PROMISE I will help with walking cat/dog or clean up after hamster or be nice to baby brother better than all my friends!”

Still waiting….the hamster is now in my custody.  The dog & cat went have gone on to pet heaven (after long healthy happy amazing “child” free existences with ME!!!) and the baby brother and the promise freak daughter fight like WWIII…..

So, as I drag my feet on this license thing….I think it’s time….and I find out, she has to have her PERMIT for six whole months before she gets her license.  And a hardship license has to go before the examinier before it’s approved.   So…..its divine intervention…..hear the chorus of angels?